Heh



The Woman thinks we were bird watching together and got excited about it because we weren't fighting or anything. But really, we were discussing the litter boxes. Note I am looking away from Buddah, to distract her from our talking. She thinks we're chittering at the birds.

No, we were plotting our next move in the Great Breeze Box War of 2008. Now, Buddah likes the Breeze Box and thinks it's a fine thing to pee in, and I can't exactly disagree with him, but I have a war to win. So we agreed that he can keep peeing in it, but NO POOP. I will continue doing my biznezz in my treasured Tidy Cat Scoopable (immediate odor control for multiple cats...I had that even when it was just me, because my poop is THAT POWERFUL.)

This way, the Woman can get herself all hopeful and excited and stuff because someone is obviously continuing to use the Breeze Box, but she can't just take the old box away because someone else obviously is not. This creates more work for her, and amuses us.

Today is going to suck so hard for the Cat Blogosphere, and most of you know why.

Storm
2/1/1996 - 6/13/2008



Stormie fought the good fight, fought it hard, and in the end, realized that she won. She put the smack down on lymphoma twice and decimate tumors three times, but a battle that hard just wears a kitty out, and she decided it was time to go to the Rainbow Bridge, where she didn't have to fight anymore. Her people are kind enough to let her go, even though it's going to tear giant holes in their hearts.

The silver lining, aside from that Storm finally gets to rest, is that she has friends waiting at the Bridge for her. If you hear an odd rumble floating in the wind today, you know there's a wicked fun game of Thundering Herd of Elephants going on.

If you haven't already, go read Storm's Victory Goodbye. She did indeed win...and we loose. But at least we got to know her.

Battle Of The Breeze Box Day 6...or...You Can Lead A Kitty To New Litter, But You Can't Make Him Poop

I am stubborn. I will win. And thusly, did I poop in hallway right outside the bathroom where the litter boxes are.

Now, I was entirely polite in how I went about this. I did not like the fact that there were Breeze pellets covering my beloved Tidy Cat scoopable litter, so I did what any cat would do.

I held it.

All day.

In fact, holding it was making me feel so miserable that when the Woman gave us our Stinky Goodness last night that I ate half of it and then immediately barfed it up. I was going to just eat it off the floor again because, hey, it wasn't digested or anything, but she cleaned it up. I finished what was on my plate, and the people went about their own business.

Except...I had biznezz to do and I absolutely didn't want to do it there.

So I yelled out "Please come move this stuff off my box" and the Woman hollered back "I'll give you more to eat later."

I did not ask about food. So I repeated my request and she said something else about food, so I just went over near the bathroom and let it loose. At least I did it on the tile where it's easily cleaned up.

So then I went and said "Hey! I just dumped a load on the floor, you might want to take care of that," and she said, "I said later, Max."

So I jumped on the table where I had a clear view of her at her desk and said "Lady, in fifteen minutes the smell of that is gonna hit you, and you're gonna wonder what died in here, and I'm telling you right now you might wanna go check and clean it up!"

She sighed really hard and turned in her chair and said, "I haven't heard you talk this much in years. I'll feed you more later, all right? I promise. Let your tummy settle."

I jumped off the table and wandered over to plop down on the floor near her and said, "Fine. But don't say I didn't tell you."

Ten minutes later the Man came downstairs and wandered through the kitchen, and hollered out, "Someone pooped on the floor..."

As he was cleaning it up she FINALLY got up and went to see (like he would lie about that?) and said, "You know, he was trying to tell me something, but I thought he wanted more food."

Sheesh.

Yeah, this is where you point and laugh at the Woman.

So. They're pretty sure I'm not using the Breeze box at all, so that leaves either Buddah or the Man, and I'm not discounting the Man, because you know People. They might do stuff like that to convince kitties it's a good thing. And while I'll pretty much poop anywhere, it has to be on my terms. After all, I am the kitty who held it for a couple days after I got nootered and declawed because I didn't want to use shredded newspaper. I used an empty box, but not the newspaper.

The Woman, btw, dutifully removed a large portion of the Breeze pellets from my box. There's still about half of them there, but I can see and feel my Tidy Cat scoopable, so I'll poop there. For now.

Oh, and she kept her promise. We got a little more Stinky Goodness later. I don't know why Buddah got more because he didn't barf, but I can't complain too much because I did get some, after all...

Ummm. I'm not naming names, but someone peed in the new box while the People were sleeping last night.

I'd say who, but that'd be telling.

I'm not a snitch.

Nope.

William asked in comments of the last post: Oh, man. How would our moms like it if we changed the composition of their toilets? That's my question.

You know, that's a very good question. I bet they would get all bent out of shape and would whine and stomp their feet about how unfair it is.

I just wish I had opposable thumbs, because if I did, when they weren't looking, I'd take that clear clingy wrap stuff and cover the bowl of their giant litter box with it, then put the seat down so they wouldn't suspect. See how they'd like that.

I reallllly had to go earlier, though, and I didn't think I'd make it upstairs to glorify her bed or closet with a little Max Funk, so I went in the old litter box with the pellets all over it. No choice, I had to. BUT! I did not bury it. I just let it sit there on top, festering.

I'll take my victories where I can get them.

Ohhhhh the Woman thinks she's all tricksy and stuff. You know what she did? She went and got a whole new bag of the Breeze pellets, and LOADED our regular box with them! Like we won't have a CHOICE what we do our biznezz on.

Oh, I have a choice.

She might want to check under the blankets before she gets into bed tonight.

Skeeter & LC & Ayla tagged me for their new Fill In The Blank Mememememememe, so I give you:

Fill in the blanks…

1. “……” makes me hiss! Buddah makes me hiss! Or at least growl some. The stabby guy for sure makes me hiss.

2. “......” and “…...” are my least favorite things ta do. Getting picked up and squeezed and being told oh your so sweet! and going to the stabby place are my least favorite things to do.

3. I would rather “…...” than get a treat. I would rather get Stinky Goodness than get a treat. Especially if I could have a whole can to myself. Or even shrimp! Real live fresh dead shrimp!

4. Nip leafs are good but “…...” is better. Nip leafs are good, but the whole freaking plant is better!

5. Looking at the TV is “…..”. unless I'm “…...” then its “…...”!Looking at the TV is boring, unless I'm watching General Hospital; then it's educational!


On the litter box front...we're still not using it and the Woman cleaned out the old box a little while ago because it really did stink. She says she's going to leave the Breeze box there for a while because it's not hurting anything to be there, plus she's stubborn and she thinks she might win. If I'da known it was a Stubborn Contest, I would have started a betting pool or something!

I know some kitties can take weeks to decide to try a new box...I might wait until she's decided she lost and we won, and then I'll drop a big nasty in it. That would be funny.

Mmm....yeaaahhh...so far no one's using the new litter box, at least not for its intended use. Buddah gets in it and sits, plays around with the pellets, but that's it. He got the Man all excited tonight when he sat in it (Buddah, not the Man...if the Man sits in it, I'll be sure to take pictures) and rant to tell the Woman that Buddah was using it. While he went to get her Buddah jumped into the old box and peed in it instead.

'Course, after he gets out the Woman goes to check and can smell pee, so she thinks FINALLY one of us used it, but nope. Still just messing with them.

We may have no choice soon. The old box is getting kind of ripe...

Heh...the new litter box might be worth it just for the entertainment value. The Woman set it up right next to the old one, and did like the directions said--she put some of the pellets in our old box, and didn't clean it today. We both had to go see what it was and pushed the pellets around, and since neither of us had to go right then, we walked away.

She was fine with that.

So later we decided to screw with her. Buddah went in and pushed the pellets around, and the People were all "Someone's using it!" When the Woman checked, she was very disappointed.

So then I went in and pushed the pellets around, and for good measure then I jumped into the old box and peed as loudly as I posibly could, and she was all "Someone's using it!" But then she checked, and was once again disappointed.

I think we're going to push those pellets around a lot, just to get her all excited.

She's not going to clean out the old box, so at some point we'll quit messing around with her and give the new one a try because we really hate dirty boxes. But until then...this is gonna be at least 3 different kinds of fun!

V I C T O R Y!



Heh...my, what a big tongue I have...

We won! After 198 votes overwhemingly in my favor, the People have bowed to the will of the kitties, and we get Stinky Goodness again! We're only going to get 1 can each per day, and the Woman is going to leave out just a little bit of the dry diet food, and she says "if you don't like it, don't eat it, but you're not going to be starving, so no whining."

We'll see.

It was an eye opening poll, for sure. It broke down like this:

• 31% realize my awesomeness
  
• 27% think I'm going to desecrate a pillow if I don't get some soon
  
• 22% believe I'll be fat forever anyway
  
• 16% are Buddah sympathizers
  
• 5% are just mean, and can kiss my furry black and white ass.
  

Heh.

I'm happy now. And. AND! My Breeze litter box system got here today! We are going to test it out and see how we like it, just like Skeeter & LC & Ayla did. I'll poop anywhere, so the People are pretty sure I'll use the box. Plus, I'm a Tidy Cat man, and it's from Tidy Cat, so it's got to be good. Right?



They think they'll start us on it tomorrow, even though I keep begging for them to start tonight. I want them to open the box! But tonight the whole living room and kitchen in shambles because for whatever reason the Woman thought it would be fun to rearrange everything, only she got halfway done and realized she needed Man Muscle to move the TV and stuff, so she has to wait for the Man to be not too tired to help (he had to pass gas all day...that wears a guy out, you know.)

Ok, I totally won the Battle Of The Dry Food, remember? They tried mixing in that gross diet food in with my Lite food, and before I knew it it was mostly diet food, and I just couldn't bring myself to eat it.

So they caved. They went back to all Lite dry food, and guess what? My kitty zits are coming back. So that's one mystery solved...lite food gives a kitty zits and blackheads, and is not pleasant to look at.

So ya know what? I think I should get my Stinky Goodness back. I need you to help convince the People that this is the right thing to do. So please vote in my poll. My zitty chin depends on you.



And hey, People all over the U.S.A. are voting today, so it's only right that the kitties are, too! Vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote!

=snort=

Look at the little crybaby.



I got into the blue hammock just to tick him off, and he sat there and cried like a little girl. Serves him right for usurping the red one last night!

Hey! We got some really spiffy hammocks from Forty Paws and that little black monster got to them before I did and he took the red one! I'm supposed to get the red one! I have the red collar, therefore anything red is mine.



He has the blue collar, he's supposed to get the blue one. How can he not understand the logic in this? It's, like, a LAW.

Oh, and to make things worse, when I went to file a complaint with the People, he got off the red one and got onto the blue one, and now both of them are all covered in Buddah funk. I want the Woman to wash the red one to get all that Buddah funk off, but she just sighed deeply and told me to get over it. WTH?

Maybe if I rub some kitty crack on it...if that doesn't get rid of his funk, at least I won't care after a good five minutes...

Ya know, if you're going to be out after dark, it wouldn't kill you to leave a light or two on for the kitties...

We have been hard at work on my next book.

And because you're so special, you get a teaser look at the illustrations! Just click on the picture to see a full sized one.

It's not so easy to draw when you don't have opposable thumbs, but things are coming along swimmingly. And I'm contemplating my answers to all your very thoughtful and important questions. Truly, people all over the world will be better educated because you put so much thought into the things that you asked me.

Once things really get rolling and we're ready for edits, Buddah is even going to help out by holding down all the papers the Woman will have strewn about her desk. He's practicing right now by holding the newspaper down on the table.

I hope he doesn't expect me to dedicate it to him.

She opens a can of chicken and asks, "Do you want some?"
Who asks stuff like that?
Really.
I hope she heard the loud "Duh" I was thinking at her.

Holy crap. I made my other post before I went blog hopping. I am so, so sad right now, and most of you already know why. I just didn't get a chance to get online before.

But if you haven't already, please go over to Bonnie & Victor's and say goodbye to Bonnie. She was so beautiful, and it hurts to think she's not there anymore.

Victor, doood, I am so, so sorry. I know you're going to miss her. We all will, but it's not the same. And give your Mom a head rub from me.

The People were outside this evening; the Man was taking another bath outside and the Woman was vacuuming it again, but this time she stood outside. I heard a lot of whining about how much stuff the wind blew into the giant tub last night and how it's going to take more than one cleaning to get it all. They really could avoid all that if they would just take their baths inside like normal people. But the thing that made me really question their intelligence was hearing the Woman ponder why frogs keep jumping into the pool.

Well duh. Frogs like water.

The frogs need to find a better water source, though, because they can jump in but they can't get out, and evidently they can't swim for days on end. The Man has pulled 3 dead frogs out, but tonight he rescued one, and that made them happy.

And last night...major wind storm. The whole house was shaking and Buddah went nuts he was so scared. He even woke the Woman up with his royal freak out, and ran crying to her like a little girl. I would have made fun of him, but she took him back to bed with her, and by morning it didn't seem worth the effort.

But yeah, big brave I-Wanna-Be-The-Big-Kitty just about peed himself over the wind. I'll remind him the next time he decides to take me on.

A while back, the stabby lady at the stabby place told the people that I'm fat. Oh, she tempered it with the news that I didn't have to keep swallowing those horrible chunks all the time, but she said it all the same, and told the People that both Buddah and I should eat this other dry food instead of the Light Tasty Crunchy Food we were enjoying (though we still haven't forgiven them for taking away the Stinky Goodness...)

I didn't mind it too much at first, because the Woman mixed the new diet food with the Light food, but I realized last week that it was starting to taste like all diet food, and it was actually a little disgusting.

So I decided I only wanted the Light food, and I picked through the dish, piece by piece, looking for anything edible. And let me tell you, that's work. You don't really get enough to eat that way. And eventually the People notice, mostly because they're tired of all the food that gets left on the floor.

But yesterday...heh...the Woman decided I just wasn't getting enough to eat. And the she filled the dish with all Light food.

I ate. A lot.

I don't know if she's going to keep mixing the food but with more Light crunchy food, or go back to just Light food, but either way...

I win.

Whoa.

It really happened.

An entire article about ME in The Reporter! And it's an awesome article; you know something is awesome when the fact that I can poop at will is mentioned. And the lady that interviewed me us says I'm "sardonic." I'm pretty sure that means "amazing."

But most important: it's official. I am Blogging's Bad Boy. Phear me.

I hope people who read the article come to visit my blog. Then they can learn not just all about the Glory of Max, but the entire cat blogosphere. That's one thing the Woman didn't stress enough, about all the other blogging kitties and how much they try to help each other. Or how hysterically funny some of you are.

Now surely the Woman will open a fresh bag of crunchy treats and give me at least half of them. I deserve that much, right?

If she won't, that's all right. I know where she keeps them and I can pry open that drawer with my mighty paw. I think that bag might have to meet a toothy death...