Been a bit blog blocked...

...well, that and the People have been "busy" this week which seems to also mean "no significant computer time for Max," so I leave you with this to entertain you:


I'd play that game.

Oh, Sparkle...

What are we gonna do without your wit and wisdom?

Sparkle

(photo taken from her FB page; I hope that's okay...)

The entirety of the Cat Blogosphere isn't going to be the same without you here. The literary world isn't going to be the same. You are going to be so very missed.

I'm pretty sure I'll catch you on the flipside, but for now...my heart hurts. So I know your family's heart hurts even more. I hope they know thousands and thousands of kitties are out here purring for them, and hoping that the pain doesn't last too long and that the warm fuzzies settle in soon, so that they can think of you with all the smiles your beautiful soul deserves.

It's not goodbye. It's really not.

Damn, I'm nice.

Ok, so the Woman has a birthday next week. Like, one week from today. She turns about 143 years old, I think, but she can still get around mostly all right.

So the other night I was sitting on her lap, sharing the massive amount of available space with her computer, and she was surfing around, looking at things, and I had the thought that I really should get her something for her birthday. Because, you know, that's what you do for the person who opens the cans of food.

Now, you have to remember, the Woman is basically a dood with boobs, so shiny things like jewelry just don't cut it. I could get her a pair of sneakers and she would like that more than a necklace or bracelet. I don't know her exact shoe size, though, and a cursory glance on Amazon doesn't list "boat-sized" as an option, but I did note she kept looking at the same thing in different colors.

So I said, "Hey, go buy yourself something pretty. You can take the money out of my royalties."

She was so busy looking at the toy she coveted that I don't think she heard me.

"That," I sad, poking my paw at the monitor. "I have enough monies for that, right? Go get it for yourself."

So today she did.

I'm pretty sure that took all the money I had left for the year so I need to get my asterisk in gear and finish my current book so that I have monies for Toys for Tots this Christmas, or at least sell a bunch more books, but I'm pretty sure I can do that.

And she's happy. She liked her old rumbly bike but apparently this one has magic brakes or something, which makes it special.

Hell, I'm just glad I don't have to go outside to go shopping.

The struggle is real...

MeeeoooowwWWWwoooooOOOOwww

Guys. Guys.

I found a new way to mess with a people. And it's something you can easily do, too.

Now, lately I have been napping under the bed. I like to change it up every now and then; for a few weeks I'll sleep in the closet. Then for a few weeks I'll nap in the Man's computer chair. Or on top of a climbing tower. But lately...under the bed.

So last night after snack I wiggled under the bed (because the Woman is old and ouchy, she has it on one of those low profile frames. Did she stop to consider the kitties? NO. She only thought of herself) and stretched out, and then fell into a comfortable, full-tummy slumber.

I sort of noticed when she went to bed; it creaked and moaned with her weight, but then she stopped moving so the bed stopped complaining, and I went back to sleep.

I woke up a few hours later, and unsure of what time it was, I just called out, "Hey, is it time for noms yet?"

Guys.

When a person hears a cat meow from under the bed, it sounds all ethereal.

The Woman woke up, and blinked a few times, then muttered, "Holy $hit, Max. You sound like the Ghost of Kitties Past."

Or something like that.

I was too busy laughing at her confusion to make note of her exact words.

But do it. Get under the bed and meow at your sleeping people.

You'll totally sound like a Ghost Kitty, and when people are half asleep?

They'll lose their chit.

Report back.

What you're missing on Facebook...

...if you haven't yet liked my author page:

On Friday, August 1, 2014

OHMYCOD I SMELL BACON!!!

On Saturday, August 2, 2014

Man...after the sheer joy of the dinner the people had last night, because BACON, tonight while they were eating the Woman looked down at me--I was sitting on the floor nearby being very good--and said, "Sorry, Big Guy. This has onion and garlic."

WHY? Why do people do that? Just get my hopes all high, thinking that maybe she's learning to cook the right things and she goes and makes DEATH for dinner.

On Sunday, August 3, 2014

All right...I sat there nicely while the Woman ate a ham sandwich for lunch; I followed the rules, I was good, and she offered me a taste. But she fouled it with pickles, so I didn't want to eat it. She didn't make a fuss, she just picked it up, tossed it out, and gave me crunchy treats, and while she was at it she put a few on Buddah Pest's plate on the counter.

Well, the little chit wandered out about 20 minutes later and discovered the treats, and now he thinks there's some kind of crunchy treat magic going on here, and refuses to accept that it was my good behavior that scored him the noms. I think I need to just ignore him the rest of the day...

 See? See? You want to visit me on FB! [ clicky right here! ]

Besides, Buddah STILL has more likes than I do, and that's really starting to chap my asterisk.

Other things you might have missed...well, the Woman was giving me chin and neck skritches about a week and a half ago, and she realized my collar had rubbed some fur off, so she took it off and declared it's time for a new one. She ordered me THREE new collars and they got here already, but she's not putting one on me until my fur grows back. Then I have to decide which one I want, and it's going to be a hard decision because they're all very spiffy. One is even NEON PINK!

Whatever I don't pick, Buddah will get. Not that he needs a new one, but if I get one, he gets one. Something about parity and fairness.

Meh.