There I was, minding my own business, napping quietly in the office chair--which is surprisingly comfortable given how squished it gets by the Woman's giant asterisk on a regular basis--and was deep asleep, dreaming about giant cans of tuna that--dooods!--open on request. No thumbs needed!
I mean, this was an awesome dream and just as I was about to dive face first into some premium albacore stored in water, the Women PUNCHED ME IN THE CHEST!
Oh, she says she barely touched me, but I'm no fool. I know what a good shock feels like. I think I jumped like 5 feet.
I swear, it was like she KNEW what I was dreaming about and did it just to keep me from enjoying it.
I went back to sleep, but dang, doods, the giant tuna can was gone.