I like my routine. I know it well, and I like it when things go the way they're supposed to go.

Like every morning, I know the order of things.

• Curl up on top of the Woman and make sure she wakes up
  
• Herd her into the bathroom
  
• Plop down on her feet while she uses the giant litter box
  
• Jump up on the counter and watch while she stands on the Dammit Box
  
• Headbutt the box on the wall where she keeps her rugs so she remembers to take them
  
• Jump down and wait for the door to open
  
• Herd her into the bedroom so she can change clothes
  
• Herd her into the kitchen so she can open a can of Stinky Goodness
  

It's an 8 step process. It's simple. She should have it memorized by now. But no...once in a while she screws up the order of things, and I have to stop to think what should come next.

Like, this morning? I made sure she woke up, but instead of going into the bathroom she went ahead and out her clothes on. Well, after clothes comes herding her into the kitchen, so I started down the hall but then she went into the bathroom. So I went in and headed for the giant litter box but no, so took her drugs. So I jumped up on the counter thinking she would stand on the Dammit Box, but then she went to the giant litter box.

What the frak?

Man, I didn't know what to expect after that, so when she opened the bathroom door I didn't trust where she would wind up she I just kind of stood there in the hallway and waited.

Luckily she remembered she was supposed to open a can for me, otherwise I might still be standing there trying to figure out where I was supposed to make her go next.

Sheesh.

I'm annoyed.

The people had the last week "off" which makes a kitty think that there will be plenty of blogging being done because HEY the people are OFF and that means HOME, with a computer turned on.

But no.

Apparently "off" means out riding rumbly bikes. And "off" means that when at home, watching 16 zillion episodes of Doctor Who.

(BTW I want a TARDIS for Christmas. Not that I was watching, too...)

It was so bad, my lack of computer time, that when I went to read my friends' blogs, there were over 400 posts stacked up in Google Reader. FOUR HUNDRED!

Clearly, I am neglected.

Clearly.

Ignoring the Woman...

Doods...heads up. Ask Max Anything is not a dead entity. You can still submit questions to it, but from now on I'll be answering them over at mousebreath! in my new Ask Max Monday column.



Alternately, you can just leave a question in the comments of Ask Max Monday. Whatever works for you!

Bah.

There I was, minding my own business, napping quietly in the office chair--which is surprisingly comfortable given how squished it gets by the Woman's giant asterisk on a regular basis--and was deep asleep, dreaming about giant cans of tuna that--dooods!--open on request. No thumbs needed!

I mean, this was an awesome dream and just as I was about to dive face first into some premium albacore stored in water, the Women PUNCHED ME IN THE CHEST!

Oh, she says she barely touched me, but I'm no fool. I know what a good shock feels like. I think I jumped like 5 feet.

I swear, it was like she KNEW what I was dreaming about and did it just to keep me from enjoying it.

I went back to sleep, but dang, doods, the giant tuna can was gone.

Doooods!



It's Ask Max Monday over at mousebreath! Today's question comes from Tripper, who has a bit of a Klingon issue.

And while you're there, poke around and take in all of the awesomeness!

Stop looking at the freaking TV and pay attention to me!



I'm hungry.
I'm more important.
Look at me already!
=sigh=