William, my man...

Dood, before you go, I gotta tell you...I love you, man. I'm sorry you're just about ready to go onto the next big thing, even though we have a ton of friends there who are waiting for you and will throw you the most wicked fun party.

William of Mass Destruction...the most awesome WMD there will ever be

I will try to chew up some window stripping or something in your honor.

Other doods....William of Mass Destruction is nearing his time to go to the Bridge. Please go say something, tell him how much you love him. He deserves a whole lotta love. He's wicked cool and a long time blogging buddy, and he's gonna be missed so hard.

We really need a maid

Like, for realz.

Right now, the front room is so jammed with STUFF that I can't even walk on the floor. There are boxes and bins and they're loaded down with krap the Woman pulled out of the old office so that she culd clear enough space to get a couple of bookcases out of it.

Oh yeah, that's how bad the office was. It filled the front room with all the stuff that blocked her way to the bookcases.

She also dumped stuff on the sofa, but with the exception of a dresser drawer, it was all soft and squishy things. So what's a guy to do when there are soft, squishy things on the sofa?

He makes a nest, that's what.

It was a really comfy nest, too, especially when the Woman moved the drawer out of the way. I don't think I'll get to keep it forever, because at some point she'll start putting all that krap back in the old office, and then she'll fold the soft blankets and set the pillows back the way they should be.

But we still need a maid, because left to her own devices, it will take her 5 years to clean it up by herself.

On the plus side, I now have a spiffy new office, where I will finish my book soon and then start on the next.

Thinks will be thunk here

The Woman thinks I'm a slave-driver, pushing her to get this thing done, but doods, I have so many things in my head and I have to write them NOW while I can. She can go write her own things and play when I'm done. Right?

Right.

I may need a new dictation taker soon

Seriously. For reals. The one I have now is borderline useless, what with her "educated" opinions and control over the laptop.

Like tonight. She felt like working from her comfy chair in front of the TV (after she colored in a coloring book like a 7 year old) so I lounged on the back of the chair near her head. It was an ideal position, because I can see what she's typing, and that makes it easier to correct her mistakes. Sometimes we disagree on dialog, but that's just because she has a people brain and not a cat brain, so even though I tell her what to type, her brain translated it into something different.

But man, when she totally changes my words? That's a deal breaker, right?

Like tonight. My narrator is a cat named Wick, and he was talking about being hissed off. So that's what I told her to say. Hissed off.

But what did she type?

TICKED OFF.

That's not remotely the same. First off, Wick doesn't have ticks. He's a royal kitty, and very hygienic. And being a kitty, he hisses.

HE'S HISSED OFF, WOMAN.

There are so many more things like that. It makes writing exhausting. But the story is good, so I'm keeping at it, but I really do think I need someone else to type my thinks, someone who doesn't edit me as she goes along.

Oh, and I totally won that battle. Maybe because I bit her hair and warned her that her ear was really close to my teeth...

MY FAVORITE THINGS!

I didn’t get to talk much last year about my favorite subject, because the Woman “took a year off” and deprived me of doing much about it.

But this year? I totally get to talk about it. Them. Heh.

Boobies.

Who doesn’t like boobies?

Not these boobies

The kind of boobies that thousands of people walk for every year, raising money to save. Or treat, really. Eventually they’ll get saved, but a lot of the walking is for treating the kraptastic things that happen to some people who have boobies.

So the Woman is walking this year. And you know what else? SO IS THE MAN!!! For reals!

And you know what else?

This year they have some super spiffy prizes for their donors. Like every year, every $5 you donate gets you an entry…and they’re going to have something pretty much every 5-6 weeks. The first drawing on April 30 is for a Garmin Vivosmart HR activity tracker AND a Garmin Index digital scale (it’s smart…it keeps track and sends data to your account so you can see how you’re doing.) This prize is worth $500.

If you want to read more about what the prizes they have so far are, peek at the Woman’s blog from a week or so ago (click here). She’s got a picture of all of the stuff. But I can tell you, too…

The Vivosmart HR & Garmin scale

Kodak 14MP digital camera

Roku Streaming Stick

Kindle Fire 6

Samsung Galaxy Tab E Tablet

11" Dell laptop

13” Dell laptop

But go read, ‘cause there might be other things I’m not thinking about.

If you donate now, you’re entered for ALL of them…even if you win one. You can win another.

 

The Woman's Page

 

The Man's Page

Just click on their pictures, that goes right to their fundraising pages. One or both, doesn’t matter.

Oh, and my buddy Weezer (she loves me and wants a date on the 2nd Tuesday of next week) says her people will pony up a super-duper sweet prize if the people both hit their minimum goals by the end of September.

Everything you donate through their official fundraising pages is tax deductible, don’t forget that. And IT’S FOR THE BOOBIES!!!

Boobies.

Boobies.

They should have just ASKED me

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful

I could have told them, but no, they had to put me through the wringer to find out that I'm perfectly normal.

The stabby guy called today with the results from the test they did on the blood they stole from me, and everything was fine.

If they had asked me before, I could have told them I felt perfectly fine, and we could have avoided the whole ordeal.

The only other good thing is that next week or the week after, they're taking Buddah to see him, too.

Don't tell him.

I don't want to ruin the surprise.

WORST APRIL FOOLS PRANK EVER!!!

THEY TOOK ME OUTSIDE!!!

AND THEN I WOUND UP HERE!!!

AND THEN THEY LEFT ME THERE FOR LIKE 3 HOURS!!!

Someone needs to let these people know that April Fools is supposed to be FUNNY. This was not FUNNY. This had me seeing a new stabby guy (he was ok I guess. Didn't make me get out of my PTU) and then I was DRUGGED (which was ok, I guess) and then THEY STOLE MY BLOOD (which was NOT ok.)

And all this because I'm a senior kitty and "it was time to see how things are working."

Well, I showed that stabby guy how things are working. I pooped a lot.

And tonight I'm showing the people how things are working. I'm going to poop on a pillow or two.

THIS WAS SO NOT FUNNY, DOODS!

Doods.From the Heart.