October 10, 2020

I'm a couple kinds of mad right now, guys

Like, the kind of mad where it would be easy to blow up at someone and start this nasty grudge thing, slinging litter box contents at each other online, where other people get in the crosshairs. But I'm going to do the petty thing instead, and blog about it, where the instigator has no real recourse because I've already blocked them on Facebook and will delete any comment they make here. Because I'm mature like that.

I'm probably going to use things off the Bad Word List. Fair warning.

To paraphrase... "You knew Buddah was sick and that's why you released Interview With a Pest when you did. That's unfair. Because if you didn't know he was sick then you didn't give him enough time before you had him put down, and either way, that makes you awful."

No, we did not know Buddah was sick when the decision was made to release IWAP ahead of schedule. The biggest reason for that push was because everyone feared *I* was going to die soon; we had no idea about Buddah. We were all counting on him being here for years after me. What would have been unfair, I think, was publishing it when planned, in December, had I died before then. That seems like rubbing salt in a whole bunch of wounds.

We had fewer than ten days with Buddah from the day we learned how ill he was until the day we let him go. We had less than two weeks from the day he started throwing up and when he stopped eating. At the beginning of 2020, he weighed 16 pounds. In August, he weighed 13. The day he was diagnosed, he weighed 12. The day he died, he weighed under 10.

Could we have given him a few more days? Maybe. But at what cost to him? He couldn't make himself eat, even on an appetite stimulant, and even though he clearly wanted to. 

Buddah was starving to death. How much more time should we have let that go on? Days? Weeks? 

He was stumbling. He fell from the back of the recliner and was lucky he didn't break his neck. He sat on the floor and we could see his entire upper body pulse with each heart beat.

Did he deserve to go through more days of starving and feeling horrible, just so we could keep him?

We wanted him to live, but the awful reality is that he was never going to get better, and he was starving. The past few days I've been wandering around the house, looking for him, smelling him, peeing all over everything because I cannot find what I'm looking for. I'm super old, too, so half the time I'm not even sure what it is I'm looking for, just that it should be there and it's not.

My people are broken, so how fucking DARE you suggest they let him go too soon. 

And to the twatwaffle who suggested to the Woman that she wanted me to die instead of him...go crawl up inside your own ass.

She didn't want either of us to die. The reality is that I probably will soon and she hasn't even come to terms with that, so your suggestion was about as hurtful as it gets, and I am having a very hard time not wishing horrible things happen to you.

I accept that those kind of thoughts sip through brains--did they do enough, could they have done more--but holy pope on a pogo stick, those are the thoughts you don't say out loud to the ones who are hurting. Keep that shit to yourself, and let us grieve.

50 comments:

The Florida Furkids said...

Wow.....how could anyone be that mean???? We just went through almost the same thing with Allie so it really hits home to think someone would react like that. You did everything you did to give him a wonderful life and to not let him suffer. (((hugs)))

The Florida Furkids and Mom Sharon

NitroStitch said...

I'm so sorry Max. I don't understand how anyone can think such cruel things, and I really can't understand how they can choose to SAY such hurtful, horrible things. Especially not to people and kitties in pain and grief. Anyone with a clue knows how much the Woman and the Man love you and Buddah, and they have always done what's best for you both. Sending purrs and hugs to all of you and sending some nasty thoughts to the hateful and cruel people.

CatLady32 said...

Max, the Woman and the Man, please accept my heartfelt sympathy on the loss of Buddha Pest. It is never an easy decision to have to say goodbye to our fur kids. Our brains know it is right but the heart doesn’t want to let go. Please know that the loving thing to do is to let them go and to not allow them to suffer. We care for them during their lifetime with us and in so doing we care enough to help them when they suffer. I’ve had to make the same decision and while my heart still hurts, I also know that saying goodbye when we did was the right decision. Please take comfort in knowing that you gave the Budapest the best life. Those who say anything differently have likely never loved or lost their precious for baby

Random Felines said...

OMG....what is wrong with people?? That is so many kinds of rude and mean. Please know we understand your people did the best the could in terrible circumstances. Mean people suck

gizzylaw said...

Good job, Max. If my hoomons had heard that bout any of my brothers and sisters or me they would have been a lot less restrained and I would have hidden in my closet. Those other things (they aren't hoomon) can just keep their stupid mouths shut. Much love, Marley

Mona Swearingen said...

Max, I am so angry and sad on your behalf and on behalf of your people. How dare someone be so cruel at a time when you all need support and love and time to grieve. Purrs, hugs, and scritches.

Connie said...

I’m so sorry for your pain and also the woman and man’s pain. What sort of mean does it take to add to that pain! You all took wonderful care of Buddha and loved him even when he wasn’t acting in a lovable way. Take your time to grieve as you need. Virtual hugs.

Susan said...

Awwwww,Max, no.😭 that is heartbreaking. WTF is wrong with people today? I am so, so sorry about precious Buddah. And my heart hurts for your family. We love you all, sweet boy

Lyn said...

So sorry you were bitten by the human chiggers of life. Your people did the hardest thing from love and care. Most importantly he blessed you for it.
Hang in there Max. We all love you

The Island Cats said...

How mean of that person to suggest such a thing! Like you and your humans aren't hurting enough you have to put up with crap like that. We know what it's like to lose someone that quickly...it's not something you can predict. We're sorry that people can be so mean. And we're sorry about Buddah.

Unknown said...

I'm so sorry about Buddah!! I'm crying for and with all of you!! I can't believe what some nimrods say about what happened. Life doesn't come with guarantees!! I lost my precious Piton 11 months before her sister, Pixel. Pixel was the one with health problems...Piton just "crashed" in 3 days.

My heart aches for you! Max, hang in there as best you can. You'll see the Pest all too soon!!

Vicki, Sophia and Mia said...

Your Humans gave you and Buddah and the Dogs and Kitties Before nothing but the best. And that included knowing when to let go. Other humans... they aren't even the poop you'd leave on their pillow.

Meowers from Missouri said...

How heinous! To pile such words onto the hearts of a grieving family is far, far beyond the pale. All of us who love you know how very loving, protective, and kind you are to your fur family. People who don't know you have no business commenting beyond an "I'm so sorry for your loss."

May you find peace not only for Buddah's loss but for this hateful attack on your family.

I, however, am in no wise as classy as you all are in your restraint. I hope someone lets that miserable twat go *several* days too long, and then buries them in a dirty litter box.

Hnossa said...

Oh Max, I'm sorry you and your people had to deal with those sorry excuses for pond scum. We all know the love and care that your people give to you and Buddah.

I wish you and your people peace. They did the right thing for Buddah.

Zippy, Sadie, Speedy and M'Gee said...

That maked mom mad enough to "load the pistol" as her grampa used to say. I'm the only kitty left and none of the others gave us a long warning that it was time to go...so shut up ugly person.

Just Ducky said...

Sheesh, how could anyone be so crass and stupid to think you would do something like this. Sorry you have to deal with this. Purrs.

Unknown said...

My little buddy was 16, I let him go August 30. I had to make that terrible decision like the woman had to. It was hard but it was best for him. Early in August, he was still eating, pooping, and using his ramps so he could sit with me, so I just prayed to know when he was ready. Like Buddha it came with a fall, and he just slept on the bed except to eat and such. Then it took another change and I had to decide after a trip to the vet. I asked The universe for one day more and we stayed in bed all day and ate graham crackers and he ate cheese bits from my pizza. His favorites. I hope you don’t mind Max, Charlie was my little dog but he left a hole as big as the one in yours now. I love you all, which is weird, right?

BritinSebastian's mom said...

Max, Woman and Man I am so sorry for your loss. I know there are Budda shaped holes in your hearts right now. It is my hope that your sorrow is soon overtaken by fond memories.

Tamsinblu said...

Oh Max, I am sorry for your pain! It was very hard on Sasha when Bindi went to The Bridge and it was beeply painful for me. My heart goes out to you Max, The Woman and The Man. RIP Buddah Pest and fly high😢❤️

Pam said...

OMG - I am so sorry. I can’t believe how cruel and hateful people can be. My heart is breaking you for you. Losing someone you love is the worst thing ever.

Camp Stanhope Happenings said...

My eyes are still leaking from the Buddah news--and hoping you are feeling good enough to eat and enjoy your life...
I'm with the Florida furkids: I can't believe people can be so mean. Do they think if they do it in writing it doesn't hurt as much? I don't believe that to be true. I know you are missing Buddah and trying to help with you mom's leaky eyes. Please know that we love you and we know how hard it is to let someone you love go.....

William’s Kith & Kin said...

We share your rage, Max. We're sorry you and the Woman and Man have been subjected to this sort of vile behavior. Our mom is reminded of what Dooce (dooce.com) used to do whenever she was trolled by asshats: Print the whole comment with their name in a post so the whole world can see them for what they are. Sadly, a whole lot of rocks got turned over about four or five years ago, and look! It's a field day for the sleazebag lowlifes who crawled out.

Ele'-Gimme-Ambro said...

Max, you have the best pawrents. And we went through this exact thing with Ambro. He was perfectly healthy....until he wasn’t. He wasn’t the least bit symptomatic until it was too late to do anything for him, and he also was starving. I know your family did all the right things, and I know how much they love you both. And all of your words off the Bad Word List are 100% justified.

Big Piney Woods Cats said...

I am so sorry people have to be such jerks. I know how hard it was for your mom and dad to say goodbye to Buddah. My mom wasn't sure it was time to let Squirt go but she realized that keeping her alive was for her and not for Squirt. Squirt was a special kind of sweet lady and she is missed terribly but she had suffered enough and the suffering was just going to go on and get worse. So, to your mom and dad.......they did the right thing. Hugs and Purrs........Miracle 4Paws

Diane S said...

Oh Max, life is just awful sometimes.
Just keep pushing ahead....it’s what Buddha would want for all of you.
Ignore the rest.
Peace������

Tamsinblu said...

My heart goes out to you, Max, The Woman and The Man. Sasha had a hard time after Bindi went to The Bridge and I did too. Head scritches to you Max and virtual hugs to your hooman family.

Angel Prancer Pie said...

Some people-Pffffft!

Carolina Cats said...

Oh Max and family! What a horrible person to say such things to y'all. I'm glad you blocked them but I hope they realize what a**holes they were being.

Anyone who knows your people knows that they have always, and will always, always! do what is best for the kitty!

Sending so many hugs & purrs to all of you 'cos we loves you!

Mom Nora, with Finnegan, Buddy, and Jazzy from the Bridge, Mama Fluff, Murphy & Sterling from North Carolina

Vicat said...

What a 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬. I have had people critique my treatment of Brat from both sides - to let him go 9 years ago or to take him to the vet every time he farts which would only stress him out and make him worse. I'm so damn sorry you & the Woman have had to deal with a 💩💩💩💩 on top of your grief.

Vicat & the Boys

Mighty Kitty said...

That person was really f++++++ mean! You should block the person permanently and so should your friends! While NOT HARSH ENOUGH just to block them, it was so damn cruel!
Max, you just try to deal with this the best you are able and know that all of us are doing likewise! Try not to let it take you too soon cause that would be the worst of everything and nobody is worth that! The mean nasty nut case will have to get along with nobody to help. The Woman & the Man would be inn the no comfort zone and way to full of grief to lose both of you at the same time! Max, it is really heartbreaking but you and the Woman & the Man have each other and that love bond is going to keep you all as it should be! We love y'all.

Spitty-the-Kitty said...

So very sorry someone added to your pain at such a hard time. There must be something horribly wrong with him or her to say such things. NO ONE who has followed you and the Man and Max and Buddah for even 5 minutes could EVER think such a thing. XOXO from me and Spitty

Summer said...

What a horrible, hateful human to say such things!

Milo and Alfie Marshall said...

How can anyone be so disgracefully mean to you and your family at this tragic time? Although in reality I had some terrible things said to me when my beloved mother and brother died. I guess mean people are mean. I learned to block or unfriend people too ... It was for the best. But hell, those comments hurt and I'll never forget them, which is why I'm angry you've experienced the same sort of cruel comments. They say, what do they say, let them say. You and your family know the truth and how much you loved Buddah, and will always love him ... And that's all that matters. Sending LOVE and HUGS for you all.

Shannon akaMonty said...

Sorry it's all caps but WTAF THIS IS WHY I HATE PEOPLE and OMG I CAN'T EVEN BEAR THE THOUGHT OF THE LOSS OF BOTH CATS AND THEY'RE NOT EVEN *MINE* BUT THEY KIND OF ARE BECAUSE I LOVE THEM AND I'M CRYING OVER THEM AND I WILL CUT A BITCH IF THEY EVER SAY THAT SHIT TO ME.
FUCK THOSE ASSHOLES WHO SAID THAT ABSOLUTE SHIT.

Jacqueline said...

First, I am so very sorry for your loss and am very glad you wrote this post=I hope you know most all of us understand your sorrow and understand and support your decision as the best thing you could do for your baby...Last year, I lost 2 babies in less than 2 weeks; I helped my Mommy Cat to the Bridge and Calle passed 3 days after a heart diagnosis from a regular vet visit...The shock and pain of all death, especially unexpected death, is horrible and know you have done and will continue to do the best you can and that is all that matters...Wishing you the best...XO

Memories of Eric and Flynn said...

Oh Max and family, I am so sorry you had to go through that when you are already heartbroken. How can someone be so spiteful when they must know you are hurting. I hope Karma comes and not only bites them in the ass but knocks their fucking head off too. Evil pile of shit that they are!
Everyone who follows you knows that you have always done everything possible for your fur family. Love to you all.

Alasandra, The Cats and Dogs said...

Oh we are so sorry about jerks, we had stopped by to pay our respects when we heard the sad news and saw the post about the insensitive **** (Mom wouldn't let us say the word).

We know all about them, when we lost Whiskers in 2007 due to the pet food recall there were a few that blamed Mommy because she feed him bad pet food, then the pet food recall got expanded and the super expensive pet food they feed their pets was on it. Karma, but Mom felt bad for their pets.

We know your folks did everything they could for Buddah. That they wish they could have done something more, but sadly there are times when nothing can be done, there are times when the kindest thing the most loving thing, and the hardest thing is to let them go even though you want to hold on. We know your parents let Buddah go out out of love for him.

((Hugs)) and lots of purrs of comfort and paws of sympathy from us.

Eastside Cats said...

"Twatwaffle" says it all.
Purring for you, as you mourn Angel Buddah.

Purrjamm said...

We are so very sorry for the great loss you all have had to suffer through. We love you all and know your parents are the best catmom and catdad. Buddah will live forever in our hearts and thoughts. It's so sad people just can't keep their stupid idiotic asinine thoughts to themselves.You are loved!

Anne Garrett-Beman said...

max, thank you and Budda for all you share!!!!! You are in our prayers.

TurtleLover said...

I wish there weren't "that" kind of people in the world! That makes me sad too!
I am one of those people who ordered the book but only began reading it after Buddah was gone and it's sad but never in a millions years would I have thought that!
I appreciate everything you write and what in the book I've read so far.
I will look forward to more and I hope that that "bad apple" won't spoil our "whole bunch"
((hugs))

Pufferoonie said...

O.M.G. I;m sorry for your loss.

Roberta said...

The more I know about people, the more I love my cats. I don't believe that someone actually had the nerve to write that to you! I had a cat that died from lymphoma a few years ago. It's a very insidious, quickly developing type of cancer. There is no way that you could have realized what was wrong with Buddah. Unfortunately, the outcome for an animal with lymphoma is not very positive. You gave Buddah the best care and all the love that you could, so please don't pay attention to mean-spirited people, they're not worth wasting your time over! Meanwhile, please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sasha and her Mom said...

How very sad both for your loss and for the cruel comments. How joyless and unloved that person must feel to need to express those thoughts. Your humanity is legend for every one of us who reads your books and posts. We all know how much you love Buddah and Max. Letting Buddah go was an act of the deepest love. Let us be Aubrey for you and let us try to take some of your Buddah-shaped pain away. Thank you for sharing them with us – we are all the richer for it.

Toffee K. Ripple Fuzzypants & Feline American Angels said...

I’m so sorry that your family was exposed to that horrid troll.

catladymac said...

Oh Max - how terrible ! We know the pain of wondering if it's time to let a kitty go or if we are cutting a life short - it is agonizing enough to even think those thoughts when the time comes. We have been feeling badly about you, and then to have Buddah crash so unexpectedly just seems unfair - We lost two cats last Spring - one finally succumbed to CKD and the other was sick but - wasn't expected to die. How anyone could say such things - seems like they have never had to make such a decision themselves. A vet had told me "better a day too early than a day too late." and an animal communicator I have consulted (or rather who has consulted the cat in question) has told me they are ready to go on to their next adventure. It would be hard to find a reason for anyone else to second guess a decision like that unless they had been personally consulted. And your Mom and Dad had each other to consult with and share the pain, all the while wondering how thia would impact you.
We are just so sorry for everything, Max. But we were so glad we were able to read the book before all this happened to get the real backstory of you and Buddah - Asd for when you chose to publish it - what the hell ! It isn't designed for the NYT Best Seller List - or a Nobel in Literature - or even a Pullet-Surprise. Everybody in your place take care of yourselves and each other please !

da tabbies o trout towne said...

max; dood... what de GDMFH kinda MFin person would even think to post something like that and what the GDMFH is it any of their GD business bout how your mom and dad handle... ANYTHING.....period.....

♥♥♥♥♥

messymimi said...

How some people live with themselves i just do not understand. Maybe that's why they spew their stuff on others, because they can't stand themselves.

Hugs to all of you, you did the best you could for Buddha.

Robyn Harton said...

Where can I find Interview with a Pest?
Thanks!
Robyn

Mark's Mews (Ayla, Marley, and Laz) said...

Among the fools in the universe, there are "fools", "damn fools:, and "mean fools". I've been a "fool" a few times too often but I usually catch it before I post, thinking "wait, do I really want or need to say this"?

I'm sorry to say that you met a "mean fool". Mean fools don't say things by accident or intend well. And they are out there.

For most of us in the cat-blogging world, Max is our focus on your blog and Buddah was sort of there to annoy Max. But of course, we know that Buddah had his own life and was loved and cherished by both you and Max.

Max is always the Main Character in the story and Buddah was sort of the "annoying neighbor" or "that kid next door". In an alternate reality, Buddah a few years older could have been the star of the blog.

I will miss Buddah. Not as much as you do of course because he was yours. But in his own way, he was a small part of my life.

About the end-of-life stuff... You did right by him. There are times when you struggle to heal and then a time when you struggle to cope. And then there is a time to let go. You made a good decision at the right time.

We humans are given/assigned/offerred a responsibility to our pets. They adapt to our houses and us as best they can. I return, we give them care and food etc. But when the time comes, it is our requirement to keep them from meaningless pain.

You did the right thing at the right time.

And we understand that Max is sufferring too. We understand how he is wandering around looking for a part of his routine that is missing. And reacting badly by the stress of change.

Our Best Purrs Of Comfort...