You try to be nice, but what does that get you? A big lump of Grouchy Human with no appreciation for fine manners and delicate consideration.

I was nice to the Woman this morning. After letting her know the Man had left to go pass gas at 5:30 this morning, I settled down and waited for her to wake up. Well, when it was 10 minutes past breakfast time I was sure she must be starving, so I started singing to her. You know, nice, cheery holiday tunes that she could slowly wake to.

Did she appreciate this?

Phhft. She started off with "Be quiet, Max." And that was followed by, "Enough, Max!"

Since she wasn't getting up, it obviously wasn't enough. So I continued with the private concert, singing at the top of my little lungs. Just when I thought she was going to get up--she sighed hard, like she does most mornings before crawling out of bed--she grunted, "Be quiet for five minutes, and I'll get up."

So I stopped singing. For five whole minutes. I know it was that long because I counted. One, two, three, four, five. She still didn't get up, so I started to sing again. Then she said, "Just TWO freaking minutes of quiet, okay?" So I counted to two before singing more.

I don't think the Woman can count very well.

Anyway, she finally got up, but instead of feeding me she puttered around, getting dressed, taking her drugs, scratching obscenely, and picking crap out from under her toenails.

I sang to her the entire time.
The Woman has no holiday cheer.
Grump, grump, grump.

One of these days I'm going to refuse to sing for her, and see how she likes that.

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