Oh man, I hit the Trifecta of Pissing The Woman Off this morning. I didn’t start too early—I waited until her normal time to get up, but she was being pretty lazy about getting up, so I didn’t have a whole lot of choice.

I started off with a fairly gentle body slam into her stomach, but all that did was make her grunt and push me aside, then roll over. I waited, hoping she would sit up, but she didn’t, she just went right back to sleep.

So, I had to up the ante, so to speak. I carefully crawled up the bed, onto her pillow, and dropped like a dead weight onto her head. That got me a “Dammit, stop it,” but she still didn’t get up.

I had no choice.

I went for the glasses.

I sent those suckers flying, and she knew it. She reached out and grabbed me, tossing me across the bed, but she still didn’t get up. Every time I tried to climb over her, she shoved me away. Like I would give up.

Eventually she did finally get up, and boy was she mad. She was down on her hands and knees looking for her glasses, saying words that I know I’m too young to hear. Even a threat: “I’m not f$@#ing feeding you right now, you little shit.”

Yeah right.

She found the glasses, went to the giant litter box, got dressed, and what did she do?

She fed me.

I win.

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