I know where your eyes are, lady. Covering them up with some fancy shmancy sleep eye covering thingy isn't going to fool me. I will still curl up my paw and punch you in the eye if you don't get up and feed me on time in the morning.

I think I get bonus points for getting my paw under it, and then making it snap on your face. That was just good work all around on my part.

Those who go before us are not just other kitties
They're men and women who fought the good fight
Or treated the wounded and fed the hungry
And made it possible for kitties where I live
To have Stinky Goodness and crunchy treats
And where those kitties who do without
And are looking for forever homes
Other men and women fight their good fight
To find them homes and food
Because they have the freedom to do that
So today don't poop on a pillow
Or treat anything to a toothy death
Just remember...

Because I'm Beautiful...




I decided to be nice and let the Woman take a picture of me, but only because she was nice and gave me a bite of her tri-tip tonight. It was quite tasty, and I appreciated it. I didn't get a second bite because I violated the Stay Off The Table While People Are Eating Rule. I didn't mean to, I just got carried away.

And see the spiffy thingy I'm on? The Woman bought it a long time ago because Timmy has one and she thought I would like it, but it's been in a box that I just wasn't getting into, so she pulled it out and set it here for me, where I use it every morning now.

In unrelated news, the Woman keeps looking out the window and saying "Phking Wind." And she thinks *I* have a potty mouth...

Well, *I* think it's funny for a person to have 16 pounds of kitty drop onto their face first thing in the morning.

It's not my fault the Woman has no sense of humor.

And to think I barfed on the towels instead of floor out of consideration...

It's not like I forgot that the Woman was not going to be upstairs this morning when it was time to wake her up to open cans of Stinky Goodness...it's just that going upstairs and going into that room is habit, and when the door was closed I thought maybe she needed help getting out, so of course I banged on it and howled a little. And I was a little taken aback when I heard her call my name out from downstairs...I really do feel kind of bad that I probably woke the Younger Human, but at least I got my breakfast.

Hey, if they're going to put a bed in the living room, on its side, I'm going to snooze on it.

Buddah got all upset, thinking the People were implemting the M word again, but they were just rearranging. Supposedly they did it because the Woman wants to avoid the stairs because they kill her back, but honestly, I think thye do it because they have brain defects.

I mean, they do it every year, something gets moved around and rooms get totally changed. Her back was just an excuse to create a little havoc and make things look different. It's a good thing I'm used to it now.

Last night the Woman did not sleep well--it was not my fault, I swear, and it wasn't even Buddah's--so when the Man got home from passing gas this morning she grumpily asked him to go ahead and feed us so that we would let her go back to sleep. We got breakfast like two hours early! And then she didn't ecven stay in bed more than half an hour later than she usually does, but I'm not complaining. Well, I could complain that we got hungry early tonight and she didn't give us dinner two hours early, only half an hour early. But I won't. Because I'm so thoughtful that way.

The Feline Sextet tagged me for a mememememe:

Time of Day:Huh. What? Time of Day for what? To eat? To sleep? To rule the world? I need all day for those things!

Day of the week:I like to be around for every day of the week.

Season of the year: Whatever time of year gets me presents.

Holiday: Christmas!

Beaches: Hmmm...the Woman can be a real beach...

Song: My very own Songs At 3 a.m.

Flower: the kind used to make pizza crust. Self rising, I think.

Talk show: I show can talk, especially at 3 a.m.

Movie: that sounds too much like the "M" word, and I refuse to discuss that.

Soaps: I hate soap. Soap = people bath and I don't want one.

Beverage: All I drink is water, though I would like a taste of beer.

Fruit: Buddah is my favorite fruit.

Snack: People food, if it's chicken or beef or steak, but expecially SHRIMP.

Food: Stinky Goodness! What else is there?

Restaurant: KFC. Chickeny goodness. Oh yeah.

=sigh=

The desktop on the computer used to be a picture of me. ME. I was looking up at the camera ever so sweetly, ok maybe with ym ears flattened back a little, and maybe I LOOKED pissed off but I was really quite nice, but you know what the Woman did? She went and changed the desktop to this:



I've been replaced by a rumbly bike.

I am so humiliated...

It's a good day when you get breakfast early, get to sleep on a lap all afternoon, and then get bites of the People's chicken dinner. Every day should be like this.

LOOK AT THIS!

The People brought in another kitty!

Worse than that, it's very rude. It wouldn't even look at me, or even acknowledge I was there.

And it thinks it's so cool, with its sunglasses on.

Wait...maybe its just stoned and is trying to hide red eyes or something...

Either way, this is just WRONG. And Buddah is sucking up to it, he even brought the newby kitty a toy mousie! Seriously, he sniffed it and tasted its ear, and then went and got it a mousie! He doesn't even get mousies for me!

This just isn't right.

Please do not tell me to get my face out of your plate. You are not sitting at the table, where I understand the rules and follow them. You are sitting in a chair in front of the TV, where I frequently nap and bathe, plus what you have on that plate smells pretty good, so I am within my rights to investigate it for potential kitty consumption. I don't know why you have a problem with that; I didn't actually lick anything, I just sniffed it. Closely. My nose might have touched the crust of your pizza, but that's it. And really, it wouldn't have killed you to give me a bite.

Next time, I just might sneeze.

My eyes are leaking, and I'm very sad. Purresident Larry went to the Bridge yesterday. Larry and Sheriff Jinky and KC and Izzy and Hannah and Sammie were some of the first kitties I found online, and they made me laugh and think and laugh some more. I am really going to miss Larry, and Catifornia won't be the same without him there as our fearless leader.

Whoa....dooooooods...I got nominated!
And I gots no votes :(
Someone, please, go vote for me...

Luxor tagged me for Seven Random Facts About Me! So here they are:

1. I like to sit on the Woman's lap, but I rarely sit on anyone else. She doesn't realize it yet, but she loves this about me.

2. If I had not gotten so sick right after Buddah came to live with us, I would probably like him more. I was really curious about him until I started feeling so bad, and since then I just think he's a pain. I would be happy if I was the only cat, but I'd probably also miss him for a little bit if he vanished.

3. I can turn lights on and off. Because of this, the People made sure there was nothing for me to jump on so I could get close to light switches in the new house.

4. I really do punch the Woman in the eye when she's sleeping sometimes. It works; she wakes up.

5. A couple of weeks ago I developed some acne on my chin, and it left a tiny bald spot.

6. I do not like loud noises and I will run from them; the People think this means I'm chicken, but I think it means I'm smart enough to know that loud might mean dangerous.

7. One time a lady emailed me and said she wanted to take me from my People because they obviously don't treat me very well. I think she was kidding. I hope she was kidding. Because if she did that, I would totally have to poop on her pillow and treat many things of hers to a toothy death.

I'm not being antisocial or anything...it's just that no one has done anything worthwhile around this place in the last few days, so there's nothing to complain about, make fun of, or report. Well, Buddah bit me on the butt again, but if I told y'all that every time it happened, I'd be talking about it 10 times a day...

It's The PsychoKitty Caption Game!



Just think of a caption, and submit it in the comments.

If the first kitty playing assigns a name to the kitty in the picture, then that's the name everyone has to use!

Thusly said Captain Obvious when we let her sleep in really late this morning: You must be hungry!

Whatever happened to telling the kitty he's a good boy? Whatever happened to under-the-collar skritches for being so nice? And why go into the giant litterbox room first if you know the kitties are starving to death? You can pee later!

To Captain Obvious' credit, she did give us the extra special Fancy Feast Stinky Goodness, but some acknowledgement of our consideration would be nice.

No matter what the Woman says, I did not rub boogers across her face this morning. I was just sniffing her, seeing if she was awake yet, and the slimy thing just happened on its own accord. I don't know what she's complaining about; I could have stuck my nose up one her nostrils, and then sneezed...