Ok, We GOTTA Help...!

I wish I had checked my email last night, so I would have known earlier (thanks Beau, for dropping all da kitties a line!)



This pretty little thing (yes she's pretty! She's a tux!) got squashed by a car, was rescued by this guy, who didn't have to do anything but did...and the kitty needed a new hip.

(I know lots of you already know this, but play along for those who don't...)

New kitty hips are not cheap, even with a vet donating a huge chunk of the services.

I just got a couple of book orders and am going to donate the money from that...but I still have 3 copies of Something Of Yours Will Meet A Toothy Death and will donate the money from those--so if you've ever wanted one WITH MY SPECIAL AUTOGRAPH!!! now's the time! (You must order using the Pay Pal payment link in order for me to be able to directly donate the funds.)

If you don't want a book but have a kind heart and want to help ease the financial burden of getting this beautiful little girl (yes, I said it. BEAUTIFUL! I can be snarky and still say that. I CAN!) much needed help ('cause she'd be dead otherwise, you know) then go to his web site, find the paypal link, and donate a buck or two or twenty.

Kitties of the web, we must unite. We are kitties, hear us roar...or something like that. Help if you can, please.

The Woman cleaned the counter top in the kitchen, and since it's a little warm in here and the tile on the counter is cool, I jumped up there and stretched out. She sighed hard and said, "I just cleaned that!"

Yeah? And the point is...?

Then she sweeps the bathroom floor and asks, "Do you think you two could kick a little more litter out of that box? I only got one dustpanful this time."

I suppose we could.

Then she has the pantry door open so she can out her lunch stuff away and Buddah runs in...she bends over to pick him up while saying "There's nothing in there for a kitty."

Buddah came out with a toy mousie clenched in his mouth. So...ha! She really needs to stop thinking and just go with the flow...

Just to keep her on her toes, I walked into the living room where the Woman was sitting, sat down and looked at her, and then hocked up a hairball of my own.

The Man was indisposed, and thusly could not take care of it.

Tomorrow, it's Buddah's turn again.

We had the last of the birthday shrimp tonight, and you know what? Buddah walked away from his so I could have it. The Man put it down on his plate and Buddah stepped away, and asked the Woman for some crunchy treats instead. I hope this doesn't mean he expects me to be nice to him or something.

Though, if I could have, I would have applauded when he hocked up a hairball last night. He was at the very top of the climbing tower, leaned over, and let it fly. There was barf everywhere. It was impressive and smelly, and the Woman had to gag her way through cleaning it up. Heh.

The People keep whining about how hot it is outside, how it's miserable going out there, like getting slapped in the face with a hot oven.

This demonstrates the collective human field of intelligence. It's wicked hot out, so what so they do?

They keep going out.

Stay inside! There's cool air blowing thingies inside! Inside you can sit in a chair right under one of those cool air blowing thingies, watch junque on TV or read a book, and not suffer through the misery of heat.

It's so simple, a toddler could think of it.

But no, they keep going out, and then complain about it when they get home.

They do not have my sympathies.

Well...unless they're going out to get stuff for me, then I'll feel a tiny bit bad for them.

Oh! And guess what! Only six more months until Santa comes again!

"Max," the Woman said, "I feel bad that I forgot your birthday."

As well you should.

"You know, just a few days ago I was telling myself that I needed to remember, and then I forgot anyway. I'm worthless, I know."

As least you finally admit it.

"I can make it up to you."

I highly doubt it.

"We bought you something..."

It better be new People.

"What's your favorite thing in the whole world?"

Food. Duh.

"Your favorite treat of all time."

Shrimp?

"Shrimp!"

Lots of shrimp?

"A whole shrimp ring! You can have shrimp for more than one snack!"

Hell, I'll even share with Buddah!

"And because you've been so good, I won't even give you your pill tonight."

No chunk?

She might be redeemable after all.

THEY FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

I told you I needed new people.

I am so totally pooping on something tonight.

An hour and a half.

That's how late the People were getting home to feed us tonight.

It's bad enough that the Woman is either not here to turn the computer on for me or if she's home she's hogging it, now they're incredibly late and I don't think they even care.

One would think that to make up for it, they would let us have our snack early. But no. She refuses.

I bet she makes us have it late. As if getting dinner late means we're actually not hungry already.

When she takes a shower tonight, I am going to sneak in and flush the giant litterbox.

Oh man.

Could there be anything better than Tri-tip as a surprise snack?

I didn't think so...

Whew.

This is hard work.

I'm at the Calico Girls where I handed off the torch to Mistrie, and am staying here for a bit to rest up and enjoy the company. Heh. Girl kitties! And they had FOOD for me! They aren't stingy with it like SOME people.

I got the torch from Diva Kitty at the Jelly Belly Factory. I let the Woman tag along to take some pictures, but let me tell you, that was a bad idea.



Here we are in front of the factory, with Mattingly in the middle! But all the Woman got was our ears... =sigh= She didn't even manage to get anyone else's ears in!



After wandering around some, we saw this guy. They couldn't pay me enough, nope...



And look who else was there! I'm not sure whose ears those are; it's either me or Diva Kitty.

Someone tell the Woman I'm staying here tonight, so no chunks for me!!! I can teleport back in time for breakfast!

It's The PsychoKitty Caption Game!



Just think of a caption, and submit it in the comments.
If the first kitty playing assigns a name to the kitty in the picture, then that's the name everyone has to use!

I have a really good way of waking the Woman up every morning now. She doesn't like it, but it works.

I poke her in the eye.

Not hard (and I don't have claws)... I just take my fuzzy little paw and poke her kinda soft, but she wakes up pretty freaking quick. She says all kinds of bad words and makes me get off the bed, but I get right back up and tell her over and over that we're starving and she needs to get up RIGHT NOW.

I may have worked a little too hard...this morning she had the dreaded Squirt Bottle beside her. I poked and she reached over, got the bottle, and doused me.

After geting off the bed I thought, "that's not fair!" so I jumped back up, and she squirted me.

I got back up and meowed over and over and over, and she squirted me.

So I jumped up, ran across her head, down to the floor, and she couldn't squirt me.

Then I stood by the door and meowed, and she squirted me.

But, ha! I am not stupid. I stood just outside the door, where the squirt could not reach, and meowed and meowed and meowed.

Okay, so she didn't get up, but the Man did.

I got my Stinky Goodness, and that's what matters.

Tonight while they sleep, the squirt bottle must die.

Fish! The man went out this morning and caught some fish, and he caught a special small one for Buddah and me. Real live dead fish! I was so happy, I forgot to limp!

Yeah, that sympathy thing only works when you remember you're supposed to be hurt...

In thinking about it, we must keep an eye on this Sticky Little Person's blog. It may prove to be invaluable in understanding these tiny people who like to grab at us and pull our fur and our tails. Besides, I bet he gets as frustrated by the People as we do...

This does not mean that I still miss the Sticky Little People I used to see outside the window. No no no.

But it was kind of cool when they learned to say my name.

In other news, I somehow pulled a muscle in one of my back legs. I'm not sure how, but you can bet when the opportunity presented itself that I blamed it on Buddah. It's not even that bad, just a twinge, but I make sure to ham it up when I catch someone watching me. I figure I can use it to get a crunchy treat or two tonight.

Holy crayola.
Sticky Little People are blogging now!
The Internet will end... now.

My next book isn't going to be an expanded blog. No, my next book is going to be Stupid Things Stupid People Say.

Really, when you think about it, our people tend to carry on the most inane conversations with us they possibly can. They think they know what we're saying to them, but they're not listening, not really, so they jabber on, as if anything they say is remotely related to the subject at hand.

Like the whole bee incident. I warned her, but was she listening?

And yesterday. Buddah was downstairs and the Woman was upstairs, and he couldn't find a mousie to play with, so he called out, "Can someone help me find a mousie?"

She leaned over the rail and told him to come upstairs.

He wanted a mousie, and none of them were upstairs, he knew that much. But she kept insisting; come upstairs and I'll pet you. You can sit on my lap. I'll pay attention to you.

All he wanted was a mousie! And he was asking nicely! But she kept blabbering on and on about coming upstairs to get petted.

Look, people, if a kitty is at the bottom of the stairs calling up to you, it means he wants you to come down and get something for him, something he can't reach or can't find. If he wanted you, he would come upstairs and jump in your lap and get his face right into yours until you started petting.

And then there was this morning. The Woman was still asleep and my tummy was rumbling. She has the thumbs, so I was trying to wake her up. And I was nice about it, I didn't stomp all over her or bite anything; I simply sat by her head and said "I'm hungry."

She rolled over and grunted, so I stepped to the other side of the bed and said, "Buddah is hungry, too."

Go away, was all she had to offer.

"Can't you get up long enough to feed us? You can go back to bed."

"Max," she sighed, "I am going to ignore you."

"Feed us first, please."

And then she covered her face! She had a shirt nearby and she used the sleeve to cover her face, and she went back to sleep! No "Oh I'm sorry you're so hungry." No "It's almost time to eat,I'll get up then." No "the Man will be home in 20 minutes and you can eat then." She just went back to sleep!

Really, I'd write that book if I thought the people buying it could comprehend their own lack of intelligence.

Unless...

Maybe it's just my People...

Oh, I could totally write that, and let the rest of the world laugh at them.