Okay, look at him. You can see how freaking small he is.

If I don't let him eat off my plate, he won't grow big enough, and if he doesn't grow big enough, when I sit on his head, I might pop it open.

And then I would get in trouble, let me tell you...

And yeah, there's proof that I let him eat with me.

He got a new climbing tower today and he's just about gone apeshit over it, so he may be leaving me alone for a while. It's a nice tower and covered with carpet for him to sink his claws into, but it's no Supreme Commander Kitty Tower.

I might get up on it once or twice, just to see what he finds so wonderful about it.

Since it's not within jumping range of a Person's head or stomach, I'm not sure I'll get any big thrill out of it.

And hey! Stumpy found a new tunnel for online and the Woman ordered it for us last night. So by next week, maybe I can stalk buddah from inside it, and scare the crap out of him!

Hey. Lady. I'm snarky, not mean. Don't be so surprised if I let the little monster nibble a bite or two off my plate. He sucks his food down so fast I'm surprised we're not all caught up in the vortex created by it, and he still wants more...and look at him. His ribs are still sticking out and last time I tackled him I nearly cut myself on those sharp vertebrae. The little pest needs more food. He doesn't look over his shoulder during breakfast and dinner so much anymore, he's not as jumpy about it, and I'm pretty sure he understands that there will always be something to eat available, and no one is going to knock him away from his wet food and take it, but he's skittish. You would be, too, if you'd lived with a matter of scarf it down or don't eat.

Besides, he took my collar off for me twice yesterday, so I owed him a little.

And don't look at me sideways. So yeah, after he finished his dinner he went into the living room, and then I went and got him and brought him back to my plate, but that doesn't mean anything. I think I got a little more than he did tonight, so there was enough to share. He only took a couple of bites.

No, that doesn't mean I like him. It means I'm going to put up with him because I have to, and because he's a baby and you're not feeding him enough, I have to.

I hope you're happy.

My tummy is now growling and I'll have to lower myself to eating that dry crap you leave out. And that's if I can get Buddah away from the bowl for 2 minutes.

Please feed him more tomorrow. If you don't, I'll have to poop on your pillow, or maybe even bite things on you in your sleep.

Today's Public Service Announcement:

About a month or so ago, the People came home with one of these. I wasn't too sure what it was for, but they put it in the bathroom near my litter box.

The Woman says it's a "Diaper Genie" for kitty waste.

Whatever. I don't wear diapers and if I had a genie I'd be asking for an endless supply of Stinky Goodness and my very own opposable thumbs, but she seemed impressed.

After they brought Buddah home, they bought another one and put it in the other bathroom with the other litter box.

Now...now I am totally impressed. If you could smell what comes out of Buddah, and see the sheer amounts, you’d want some way to deal with it, too. Now when he drops these insipid land mines, one of the People scoops it up, and instead of putting it in the trash, they put it in this thing, turn the lever on the side, and bingo. No more stink.

So.

If you offend yourself after trips to the box, or have a feline sibling that obviously had something crawl up their butt and die, you might want to talk your People into getting one. I'm thinking it was worth every cent they spent.

Unless it was my money.

Buddah is so happy about this new toy that I'm surprised he hasn't whizzed all over the place.

The thing is, it's supposed to be for both of us. And to be honest, I want to play with it, too. and Buddah has no problem with that. He'd love for me to chase his sorry butt through the tunnel, all the way around it, and back in again.

Problem?

It is not made for a kitty bigger than a 6 month old kitten!!!

What were the people that made it thinking? That every freaking cat out there is the size of a sneeze? I know what my People were thinking when they bought it--crinkly fun that keeps us out of their hair. But it's not fair! In a little while, even Buddah won't fit in it.

I want a bigger tunnel, dangit!

I had high hopes that the collar was a thing of the past. I mean, they took it off when I the bald guy at the stabby place shaved my neck and then stabbed me to get blood, and then they left it off.

I was seriously enjoying the no-collar feel. Every time they scratched under my chin, they'd rub my neck where the collar used to be, and that felt freaking good.

But no. Buddah is now a "big boy" (please, gag me already) so it was time to get him a collar with his name tag on it. While they were at it, they bought me a new one--a stretchy one, something that Buddah can get his claws into, pull back, and snap right into my throat.

Oh yeah,that was an inspired idea.

Then again, his is all stretchy, too, and he probably has no clue what I can do with it...

I thought there was a rule. If there's not a rule, there should be a rule, and they should make the rule right now. And the rule is that anytime there's a new toy, I should get to play with it first.

It's only fair. After all, I was here first.

Look, I've put up with having to share all the other toys, but letting that little monster get to the best toy first isn't fair! I had to sneak off to play with it in the middle of the night, because he wouldn't let me even touch it.

I could have just taken it from him, but then he would have been all whiny and at least while he was playing with it he wasn't chasing my tail.

But the RULES are the RULES and the RULE is the new toys are MINE first!

I did get even, a little. When I was done playing with it, after Buddah went to bed in the Younger Human's room, I hid it.

So there.

THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH!


We started out quiet; I was asleep, he was digging the Woman's underwear out of the dresser.


The he bites me, unprovoked!


Now I'm not too happy...


So I grabbed him


I had to bite back. fair is fair.

You can click on the pictures to see bigger ones

The little black monster has a new name, conferred upon him by a friend of the Woman's, the other of two of the Sticky Little people I used to watch.

Buddah Pest.

How very, very perfect.

Yes, I sat on the little chit today. Yes, I sat on his head, and his little body was sticking out, all 4 legs flailing, his tail twitching. And yes, I let him up when the Woman said, "Let him breathe!"

Not that I *wanted* to, but she is bigger than me and all she would have done was pick me up. This way I look good and Buddah looks, well, kind of stupid. He's fascinated by my tail, like he doesn't have one of his own (ok, he doesn't realize that thing is actually connected to his backside, so he bites it a lot) and for a while this afternoon I just let him play with it. When he's playing with my tail I can lay down for a while and rest up enough to smack him around some more.

When we ate tonight the Woman sat on the floor to make sure we each kept to our own food; Buddah is freaky about his food, like he thinks someone is going to sneak up behind him and take it away. The Man and The Woman think it's because he had to fight for food in the shelter and if he didn't eat fast, he didn't eat. I'm not terribly interested in his plate because I have my own, but I think when he starts to relax I'm going to lunge for it once, just to freak him out.

He needs to know who's the boss, after all.

I think he's finally starting to get that through his tiny, thick skull.

Look, just because I'm napping in the living room, that's no reason to get Buddah out of the Younger human's room and take him into the big bedroom with you. That's MY turf! That's my window perch, my litterbox, and my fuzzy blanket in there. I do not want Buddah funk all over my fuzzy blanket.

Besides, maybe I want to jump his bony little butt. He wants to play, I'll play. I'll play until he's crying like the little girl he really is deep inside. You did see who was running from whom last night? Big brave Buddah is only so brave when he's the one on the attack. Open the door and let me at him!

After this afternoon I can only com to one conclusion:

Buddah does not have a brain.

The People let us "play" today. Since Buddah's idea of play is to sink his teeth into me, I decided it was time to let the little monster have it. He wants to wrestle, fine, we'll wrestle, no holds barred.

But even after he's been smacked around, tossed off a bed, flipped onto his back, and bitten, he keeps coming back for more! I smacked his little butt down so many times he's got to have a dozen bruises, but he didn't get it. Oh, he cried a couple of times, but did the fact that it hurt set off any warning bells in his empty little head?

No, I tried to walk away and he kept jumping on me. I'd flip him over and stomp on him, he'd get up and try again. There's no comprehension there; he doesn't grasp the notion that I'm 5 times his size, and if I want, I can break him in two.

But I suppose if he had the ability to think, he wouldn't have bit the Woman on the face today. She was watching TV and he just walked up ever-so-calm, and bit her cheek. If I hadn't been on the other side of the door, I might have whomped him for that.

Well, after laughing at the Woman. She should have seen it coming. He's all toothy. Someday maybe he'll realize that the Peoples' things are supposed to meet gruesome, toothy deaths, not the actual People.

So.

The little monster figured out that he can climb to the very top of the door and wiggle through the 2 inches of space the People had to leave because of the light bulb and the thing that beeps when dinner is ready. He figured it out, and 3 seconds later I had 3 pounds of spastic black fur all over me, biting and kicking. I've had it with being nice--I bit and kicked back.

And the People actually let this go on! The Man finally squirted Buddah's butt with some water and he ran off, but they let it happen! they checked us both for bleeding and tried to put Budah back behind the screen--bolstering it up with a book at the bottom--and 3 minutes later there he was, at the top, trying to get back to my side.

He got stuck.

If I could do it out loud, I would have been laughing. The People laughed a little, until they realized he was scared. He could get his butt over, or his head, but not both, and he didn't know what to do. Finally they kicked the book out from under the door so there would be more space at the top, and when he was still stuck, the Man had to rescue him.

So the big question around here is "What do we do about Buddah?"

Let him out the front door, that's my vote...

Look at this.

Look!

The People put this thing in the hallway. It's supposed to keep Buddah Butt and I apart; he gets one half of the apartment and I get the other half.

WTH?

The whole apartment is mine! Didn't we establish that when we moved in? I might let him stay in the Younger Human's room, but there's no reason I should be barred from any place within the rest of the apartment that I want to go.

I'm being punished because he can't learn to control himself.

Oh, they keep saying it's just for a little while, until we get used to each other and can look at each other through the screen without getting spastic, but I bet they just leave it there. Forever. How in the heck do they expect Buddah to calm down just because that's there? If they don't want him jumping on me and biting me, then put him in the Younger human's room where I don't have to see him! Ever!

And they're doing this thing where we have to eat together. "Let them see that good things happen when they're together." Good things my missing nads! It's only good because there's food--as soon as he's done he tries to eat mine! They thought I ate fast? It's nothing compared to Buddah. He inhales his food. There's no way he can taste all that Stinky Goodness; giving it to him is a waste of good food.

I did hear them say that as soon as he's big enough, they're ripping off his nads,too. Good. Because if they don't do it, I just might. Well, once that screen comes down for good...

I tried to sing to the Woman this morning, but all that came out were a few pathetic little squeaks. My meower still isn't up to snuff. She heard me, though, and even though it was two in the morning, she rolled over and rubbed my head and told me she would scooch over to make room for me if I wanted to sleep there again. I curled up there to prtect her head from Buddah Butt again. He was in the Younger Human's room, but you never know when that sneaky thing will get loose.

I think the People might not appreciate it when I sing for them, but they miss it when I don't.

My meower worked a little bit today; I was able to tell them I didn't appreciate them coming home past my dinner time, but when they sat down for their dinner, and it smelled good and I wanted some, I tried to ask for a bite but nothing came out. The Woman knew what I was asking but she said no because flames would shoot out my ass if I had some, and when I tried to protest, nothing came out again. The Younger Human laughed and said it looked like I was sitting there with my mouth hanging open because I was shocked.

Well I was! The rule is if the kitty is good and doesn't jump on the table or pester anyone, he gets a tiny bite!

I want my tiny freaking bite.

Wow. I got Stinky Goodness THREE times today. I don't know why, but I got an extra dinner tonight. They let Buddah Butt have some, too, but as long as I got some, I don't care. They plopped him down on the floor in front of his food, he inhaled it--he eats faster than I do!--and then they picked him up and put him in the Younger Human's room for "sleepy time." (Shoot me if they ever start with the baby talk on me...)

Before that, I was a little ticked off because I was stuck in the big bedroom with the Woman. They put a screen door in the doorway so I couldn't get out...probably so that little monster could run around. Earlier in the day I was in here by myself with that screen, and Buddah climbed up it, wiggled over the top, and climbed down inside the room with me! It was horrible, he kept biting and jumping on me...good thing the Woman noticed quickly and got him out. And then HE got locked in a room with the Man. So...HA!

There's a new big bed in the big bedroom...Oh man that thing is nice. The Woman says it's hurting her back, but I love it. She can get another new bed as long as I get to keep this one.

And as long as Buddah Butt is never allowed on it.

Look, Im trying to get along with the little chit, but he's not making it easy. His idea of fun is to spend every waking moment trying to clamp his teeth in my butt, my neck, or anything else he can get hold of. He doesn't seem to grasp the idea that that flicking thing is my tail and not some random toy.

Oh, and speaking of toys...his spit is on all of my toys. The People bought him his own, but he prefers mine. MINE!

I'm sleeping at night right by the Woman's head to protect her, because you never know when that scrawny little thing will show up. We wouldn't want him to eat her face in her sleep. And he might really try! And I need her around to feed me.

It's difficult to lay any kind of smackdown on another kitty when its attached itself to your ass with its teeth.

I think my meower broke.
I try to talk and half the time all that comes out is =squeak=
At least no one is laughing...

I ATE TODAY!!!

I didn't just eat a tiny bit, I ate almost a whole meal! And I didn't gag or throw it up. I just ate it and it stayed down, and it made the People very happy. In fact, the Woman was saying that, "You don't know how happy you just made me, Big Guy."

Well I did know, but I wasn't going to get into a big sloppy hug fest. I licked my paws and then walked away. She offered me more, but my tummy had had enough for the moment.

This morning she took me back to the stabby place so they could stick more water under my skin. I didn't like that, but I didn't fight them even though I felt like I could. I really think I could have gotten my teeth into someone and made them cry, but I didn't. I took it like a man.

I hate to admit it, but I know everyone at the stabby place was just trying to make me feel better.

I'm still not all the way better, but I think I'm getting there. When I cough, the Woman says it doesn't sound like I'm trying to turn myself inside out anymore. She's worried because there's a new chunk they're going to TRY to shove down my throat and she's afraid it will make my tummy all sensitive again, but for today, I don't feel too bad.

I even took a well needed bath. Not that I'm all that stinky, but these People, sheesh. They got that icky brown goop all over me. It might even be on places I can't reach.

Ok, I am still tired, so I need to take another nap (I took a nice 2 hour one on the Woman's legs today...and she just sat there! She didn't move!) And I think they want me to take a nap so Buddah Butt can come out of the Younger Human's bedroom for a while. Supposedly the little monster needs more space to run around and be spastic, but they still don't want him jumping on me.

But soon...soon enough I will be able to teach him all about bowing down to me.

THEY TOOK ME TO THE STABBY PLACE AND THEY LEFT ME THERE ALL DAY!!!! ALL DAY! I got stabbed like THREE times, they took some of my BLOOD--and I'm pretty sure I need that--and they put water back instead of the blood, and I got stabbed for no good reason that I can think of. Oh, they said it was an antibiotic, but I think the bald guy just wanted to stab me one more time. To top it off, they decided while I was there they would try to make me eat something. I showed them...I puked it right back up.

And oh holy crud, I heard him say I might be back there tomorrow to have my picture taken. I have lots of pictures and I'm sure the Woman could email one to him, but no, he might want a picture of my insides! I don't even want to think about how they're gonna get the camera in there.

They're all pretty sure I throw up when I eat because my throat is filled with goopy sticky stuff and the food gets caught on it, so then I gag and throw it up. Since I know that, I'm just not too keen on eating. I did nibble a tiny bit on some chicken the Woman offered me, and the Man gave me some water out of a can of tuna, and I licked some of that up.

I know I have to eat, it's just not so easy when it comes right back up. I swear, I really am trying to get better. I have to so I can take care of that little black monster. They've been hiding him from me, but I know he's still here.

I want to eat so badly, I just can't seem to make myself. A little while ago the man shoved some really nasty stuff into my mouth and that made me throw up. You'd think he'd get the idea but NO, he did it again later. I didn't throw up then, but I drooled so much he had to run for a washcloth because I was sliming the Woman.

They shoved that stuff into my mouth last night, too. It's really gross and tastes worse than my butt did after that wonderful bout with the runs the other morning.

I ate a little bit last night. The Woman was in the kitchen and I suddenly smelled chicken, so I went in there to tell her I'd like a tiny bite. I rubbed up against her leg and didn't have to say anything. She looked down and said, "You want some? You can have some!" And she put a tiny bite on the floor.

I sniffed it for a long time, because I wasn't sure I could eat it. But I tried anyway, and before I could finish chewing she put more there for me, and before you know it, I had eaten enough to make her happy.

But this morning...the Man opened a can and I wanted it so badly, but I couldn't do much. I did try to nibble. And later the Woman had some more chicken, but all I could do was lick it.

A few minutes ago, after they shoved that gross stuff in my mouth, the Woman offered me food...no go. I sat there for forever, sniffing it and wanting it and not being able to take a bite. I heard her say she's going to try to give me tuna in a little bit, but I don't think it'll make a difference. I just can't do it.

They keep telling me I'll feel better if I start eating meals...well duh, even I can figure that out. I just can't figure out how to make myself start.

I hope they're happy.

I just didn't feel like waking anyone up last night, and this morning when they were up I still didn't feel like eating anything. I drank some water and I made sure the Woman saw me do that so they'd quit grabbing my skin to see how snappy it is, but as good as the food smelled I couldn't eat.

So you know what they did? They took me back to the stabby place! It was a different person there this time, not the bald guy but a woman, and even she wanted to shove something up my butt! Worse yet, I was so tired I let her! She gave the people some stuff and said I could go home; well yeah, it's not like I was staying there.

We get home, and the people did something not so nice--they shoved this chunk of something into my mouth and wouldn't let me go until I swallowed it. And it wasn't even food. It was just a CHUNK. I walked away from them and went to sit by the window, making sure they knew I was super pissed off.

A little bit later the Man put a plate with some tuna down in front of me. It was like my stomach poked back at me and said "um, hello? I would like some of that," so I tried a bite. And it didn't make me want to throw up, so I tried nother bite. Next thing I knew, it was all gone.

I kind of wanted some more, but that was pretty tiring. And I heard the Woman say I could have anything I wanted later, so I'll try to eat again in a little while. If nothing else, I have to eat so they stop taking me to the stabby place.

That lady there today, though, she smelled good. I didn't want to, but I had to sniff her. Sometimes a guy just can't help himself, you know.

Four hours later:
They tried to shove another one of those chunks in my mouth, and then held me there trying to make me swallow it. Well I showed them! I was on top of the dresser where there was a pair of the Woman's pants, so I puked on them.

She didn't even have the decency to be upset about it. Heck, she even clened up the rest of my vomit with those pants. And they think I'm the pscyho one.

I heard them say they're going to try giving me that chunk again in a little while. Oh no they are not!

They tried giving me shrimp a while ago, but I couldn't eat it. Which is totally not fair, because it was an entire cut piece of real live fresh dead shrimp.

I still feel like the never-cleaned liner of the litter box, especially after what I did in it yesterday morning. Suffice to say, I'm glad someone else cleans it for me.

I made the People happy by getting up for a while and wandering to the water fountain, where I drank quite a bit. It seems that was the right thing to do, since the Man had the phone in his hand to call the bald guy at the stabby place to tell him I'm not eating or drinking. The plan was to take me back and let the bald guy stab me again, only this time stab me with a big needle to shove water under my skin.

They tried to give me shrimpy goodness today; I wanted it, but I just couldn't make myself eat it. Same thing with my favorite Stinky Goodness. They even offered me human baby food--turkey that smelled ok--but I'm just not up to eating yet. I heard the Man tell the Woman that the bald guy says I'm ok to just drink water today. So if I'm not eating by tomorrow, is he going to take that big needle and shove a can of Stinky Goodness under my skin?

Yeah, I'll let that happen.

I think I'll time it so that I get really hungry at 2 a.m. Then I can go head butt the Woman and stand on her, and she'll probably be happy about it.

Sheesh, people...

Update From The Woman:

Max is spending the day sleeping in my closet; he feels awful, but he should perk up a bit by tomorrow when the antibiotics are out of his system. As sick as he is, it's not a life or death thing; we brought Buddah home (unknowingly) with a nasty respiratory infection, and even though we kept them in separate spaces and did tons of hand-washing, Max still caught it.

Buddah was tested for leukemia and AIDS today, and both came back negative, so that's one less worry. Max might not be thrilled, but Buddah gets to stay...

This was one heck of a lesson learned: viruses and bacteria run rampant through shelters and kennels, so even though the volunteers say the animal is healthy, they might not be. And even if they claim the animal is too young to be tested for certain things, take them to a vet before taking them home to be sure. We thought we were doing a good thing by adopting from the SPCA, but we didn't use common sense and potentially exposed Max--who is my baby, no matter how tough he thinks he is--to something very, very serious.

He should be okay, though. I appreciate all the well wishes, and though he won't admit it, Max does, too. He's just too snarky to say so.

They took me back to the stabby place this morning. The white icky tuff was making me explode from both ends, and that upset the Woman, so back I went...the bald guy said I didn't have to take it today, and "we'll see if that makes him feel better."

I was so tired that I only fought a little bit when he tried to shove that thing up my butt. He won this time. When I have my energy back, I am going to bite him. Maye not to hard, just enough to let him know who the real boss is.

I pooped a little bit on his table, so at least I managed to do something gross to him.

Buddah Butt has to go there this afternoon, and he is going to get stabbed. Worse, while they stab him, they're going to take some of his blood out so they can look at it and see if he has any nasty cooties that could really make us both sick.

Maybe they'll have to stab him a second time to put the blood back in.

That would almost be worth going to watch.

I'm going back to bed...well, actually, I'm going to go sleep in the closet, where everyone will leave me alone unless I make puking or choking noises.

Still sick.
Mostly sleeping.
The Woman kept the little monster away from me today.

I didn't really mean to, but I used my back claws and gouged her boobs tonight. I did NOT want that icky white stuff, and she was holding me down, and it just kind of happened. Funny, I always thought that if that happened they would pop like a balloon. It was almost disappointing...