I need to come up with new ways to get the Woman out of bed in the morning. The tried and true methods of peeling her lazy ass up just aren’t working well anymore. This morning I tried them all—except for launching her glasses across the room, because I wanted to live through breakfast—and she just wouldn’t open her freaking eyes. I know she knew I was there, because at one point she mumbled “Go away,” but all she did was roll over and bury her face in the pillow. I even tried plopping down on top of her head, thinking that if she couldn’t breathe, she’d have to get up, but no…she must have held her breath for a good 15 minutes. Her face was jammed down into that pillow and I was holding it there, but she never budged.

I shouldn’t have to work so hard for my food. I need something that will get her out of bed at my first request. Yep, something reallllly good…

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