I've been looking over the Woman's shoulder while she works this morning (she needs my help, obviously) and the World's Best Book Ever (aka We Are The Kitties) is just about ready to go to the printer. Some of you will get email today asking if you've mailed in a publishing agreement...if you didn't get the agreement in email a couple weeks ago to begin with (because email is not infallible and just because she sent it that doesn't mean you got it. Sometimes I have to explain these things to her) you can print off a copy from HERE.

In other news, Buddah and I found a kind of Stinky Goodness we just don't like and refused to eat. It was even one of the new Extra Special Fancy Feast Stinky Goodnesses. The People have given it to us before and we've nibbled at it, but we were in agreement this morning: the one with egg souffle just isn't edible. So we did the oh we're so hungry and this is awful dance and stare thing, and the Woman caved and gave us something else. That might have ticked the Younger Human off since he's the one who fed us first--and we appreciate that, we really do--but sometimes a kitty has to do what a kitty has to do.

He got in the Kitty lounge again, but I made him get out.



He'll learn. It might take some time, but he'll learn.

THIS IS MINE!

I repeat

THIS IS MINE!

Buddah has no business getting in here, especially when I'm trying to nap.

He should at least ask before getting into the Kitty Lounge. If I'm not using it, I might allow him a nap or two there.

But if Max is lounging, STAY OUT!

It's The PsychoKitty Caption Game!



Just think of a caption, and submit it in the comments.

If the first kitty playing assigns a name to the kitty in the picture, then that's the name everyone has to use!

The Man got up at Really Really Early this morning to go pass gas, which is unusual since he normally goes out to pass gas at night. I think he thought he was being nice to the Woman, because he closed the bedroom door so she could have some peace and quiet.

That doesn't work too well when, while closing the door, you lock a kitty in the room. Because you know as soon as the kitty realizes the door is closed, he is going to want to get out of that room. So it's not my fault I threw my entire body weight against the door so that she would wake up and let me out. It's his fault.

You should also know that if you close the door after letting the kitty out, that not only that kitty but the other kitty, too, will want back in. They might be really patient and not bang on the door, but waiting right outside the door. So don't be surprised when you finally open the door if there is a mass of kitty right there for you to trip over.

Here's the thing. Remember a long time ago when the People decided to try giving Buddah and me Stinky Goodness only? It worked, sort of. I was happy, Buddah was happy, and the People were happy when I lost a little weight. We were all one big happy, furry, stinky bunch.

But then Buddah started hacking up hairballs.

And then I started hacking up hairballs.

We started hacking up hairballs on a regular basis. The Woman tried this goopy hairball stuff, but every time she pulled the tube out of the drawer I ran like hell (come on, it looked like the brown goop they force fed me when I was sick. I wasn't going through that again.) She even tried smearing it on my paw, but I just waited and got Buddah to lick it off for me.

So they decided for the health of our tummies, we needed something. They embarked on a find a dry food they can both tolerate quest. After a few false starts, they tried Iams Multiple Cat Formula, which has taken care of the hairball problem, and we both like it.

However.

=sigh=

I have gained 2 pounds. I don't like being 2 pounds heavier. It slows me down and makes it easier for Buddah to catch me. And I'm not a totally lazy cat; I run around a lot, too. Just ask the Woman. Buddah and I ran laps at 5:30 this morning.

But she's really, really, really worried about my girth. And since daily throwing up is not an option, she's trying to decide what to do. I have a bad feeling it might mean massively shrinking portions of Stinky Goodness. Heck, the stabby guy told her last year to take me off of it altogether, but she was concerned about my happiness (read: she doesn't want me badgering the bejeezuz out of her) so she didn't.

So here we are. I've gained a bit of weight; I don't like it, the People don't like it, but no one wants us to have to give up Stinky Goodness. And I don't like any other than Fancy Feast...believe me, she thought about a diet Stinky Goodness, but that's really just Stinky Badness.

The debate is now this: is it better for Max to be a little fat and happy, or for him to be pissed off and unhappy, but leaner?

I don't think I really wanna know...

Randomness...

• The Woman isn't letting me read the stuff for the book yet, but I was in here when she was working on it today and one time she snorted a laugh so hard soda came out of her nose.
  
• I'm pretty sure it had been a couple hours since she had a drink, so it musta been a really funny thing.
  
• Buddah didn't like breakfast today; he looked at the Man with his big Please Daddy Give Me Something Else eyes and the Man was so tired that not only did he open another can, he gave ME extra food, too.
  
• Buddah gets two points for that.
  
• Tonight I was coming out of the little box room and I wanted to go in the living room to sit on the Woman, but Buddah was at the end of the hall in stalking position, his butt wiggling. I never made it to the livin room.
  
• Buddah loses three points for that.
  
• The Man weighed me yesterday. He told the Woman what the scale said and the she said "Oh, Max, no..."
  
• And that's all we'll say about that.
  

Heh.

Heh heh.

Today the Woman sat at the table to have her lunch, so of course I sat in the chair across from her so I could peek and see what it was. It smelled good, thusly did it require my personal inspection. I had to stretch up a little bit, but I saw it, and there was a small piece just sitting there on the edge of her plate.

It was ham.

I had to do it.

Lest she suspect anything, I jumped down from the chair and crept around to the counter behind her, jumped up there, and made the calculations necessary for success. It had to be quick, but it also had to be clean, so that she didn't have chance to stop me.

So I jumped. I sailed over her shoulder, landed on the table, snagged that wayward piece of ham, and ran like my butt really was on fire.

She was so stunned she didn't have a chance to chase after me. She couldn't even yell because the Man was sleeping. I got to the living room and scarfed it down.

It was so good.

I can't wait to see what's on the menu for dinner.

Man, I had the house all to myself for a while this afternoon and I was so busy napping that I didn't even know it. Not that I would have done anything different, but I would have enjoyed it more, you know? Buddah gets hauled off to the stabby place, and I slept through it.

I am quite proud of myself, though; when he came back he said that the people at the front desk both said "Thank God, it's not Max!" again, and one of them told the people how I managed to get poop all over one of their walls once. Heh. That takes talent, folks.

And man, I got a sneak peek at the book cover...it's going to totally ROCK.

When the Woman opened the window in her office for me, I thought it was a very good idea. It's kind of nice out today, not too cold and not too warm, and the fresh air felt pretty decent on my fur. I lounged on top of the climbing tree and enjoyed it, even after she and the Man left to go do whatever it is people do when they can't be bothered to stay home.

But then a breeze zipped through the screen, and it blew the door shut.

Now, this wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I was in the room where both climbing towers are, the special kitty lounge, the food, and the water. And Buddah wasn't in there, so he couldn't get to any of it. So I laid back and enjoyed the solitude and fresh air...

...until I realized that the litterbox was not in there with me. I had everything I needed, except a place to pee. And you know what happens when you suddenly realize there's no place to pee?

Well, then you start feeling like you have to pee.

And then it seems like the People have been gone for a very long time.

So I started to meow, hoping someone would hear me and come in and open the door for me. About a bajrillion hours later the people came home and heard me, and the Man let me out. I was going to give them a piece of my mind, but the Woman kept saying she was sorry, and to make it up to me she got out the crunchy treats.

So I suppose it's ok.

But I need a litter box in that room, just in case...

OK, it's time. You've been racking your brains to come up with a Very Good Title for the World's Best Book Ever. Now, please share before the Woman's brains melt and dribble out her nose. We Are The Kitties is still an option; if you like that just say so, but surely there's something funnier out there...

If you sent something in to be in the World's Best Book Ever, you should have gotten a publishing agreement in your email. If you didn't get it, download it from here. And remember, there's still 5 days to the deadline, so don't worry if you haven't sent your submission in yet.

---

The Woman took a long nap today with the door closed, and I couldn't get in the room to take a nap in my own bed. So I chased Buddah instead, which got the Man's shorts in a wad, and he sprinkled water on me to make me stop! I only bit Buddah once, and I only made him cry once, and I get water! Why is it no one ever sees when he's sitting on ME and when he's biting ME? Could it be because *I* don't cry like a little girl???

On nice days, the People should not go out and do things, they should stay home and keep the windows open for the kitties, so we can enjoy the nice breeze, too. Really. It's not fair to be out riding around on that oversized bike that makes so much noise when there are kitties at home waiting for fresh air.

Grant Us Peace



The Woman is all proud of herself for going to vote today, but I read her sample ballot an there wasn't a single initiative for Stinky Goodness on demand. What good is voting if you don't ge to vote on Stinky Goodness?

She would have just voted against it, anyway.

Apparently, jumping on Buddah and sitting on him until he cries like a little girl is unacceptable behavior.

Apparently, the Woman thinks I really care that this is unacceptable behvior.

Apparently, she thinks that if she points her mighty finger at me and says things like "That is NOT nice!" that I'm actually paying attention.

Apparently, she doesn't know me very well, even after all these years.

Bookstuff:

We Are The Kitties is just a working title for the book, so in the next few days the Woman is going to hijack my blog and ask for title suggestions. So start thinking!

She is also going to want suggestions for where we want any profits to go. Like the SPCA or something.

Supposedly she is going email the Publishing Agreement to those who have already submitted stuff in the next day or so. Supposedly.

Book Stuff

• Don't forget, the deadline for submitting to the Best Book Ever Written is November 15.
  
• So far it's looking to be a fairly short book, so if you have anything, even filler material, poetry, haiku, it would be most welcome.
  
• We can use pictures, too (they'll be converted to grayscale) so if you have a good kitty picture, send it in a HUGE format (like, the biggest your camera will take) and send it to the Woman at kathompson@inkblotbooks.com. The pictures have to be rendered to 300dpi, so if they're not already 300 dpi and they're not big, they'll wind up realllly small.
  
• She hasn't forgotten about the Publishing Agreement, she's just slow.
  
• I wrote 2 things and Buddah wrote 2 things so far. I want to write one more but my brain hurts.
  

It's The PsychoKitty Caption Game!

Just think of a caption, and submit it in the comments.

If the first kitty playing assigns a name to the kitty in the picture, then that's the name everyone has to use!