16

What the heckola is this...



...and where the bejoobity is my red square bed?

15

I know, I know...I get a big fat F in blogging these days. It's really not my fault, though...I'm at the mercy of the Woman, and she's been "working" a lot lately, which means she's either delusional and thinks someone is going to pay her for her Facebook status updates, or the books she's working on is starting to gel and she needs to get it out of her head before her brain explodes.

No one needs for her brain to explode. It's not like she has a lot up there to start with.

On the plus side, when she's that involved in her writing, she tends to forget is she's given us a crunchy treat, so I've been getting extra...

19

OK, I am really, really behind on answering questions for Ask Max Anything. At first, there was down time because the Woman was recovering from that really long walk, and then she was busy writing for NaNoWriMo, and right about the time she was ready to help me get back to my stuff, well, she went and did stupid things in the snow, hurt her shoulder, and was too drugged up to me of much use.

And then, just when I thought I was finally going to get some quality computer time, her back went out. So there were mire drugs, and she just kinda sat here hogging the computer, drooling all over the keyboard.

She's off most of the drugs now, so I get some laptop time. And I'm going to start answering the backlog of questions today, but probably not in order. There are some holiday specific ones that I don't know what to do about...like, dooods, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you want to get your special wimmens for Christmas, but it's totally the Woman's fault.

So...I'm going to answer a few here and there over the course of the rest of today, and as many as I can over the next few days.

20

There I was, minding my own business, walking from the back of the house into the room with the TV and fire place thingy, when I spotted it. Right there on the thingy where the Woman usually puts her feet, placed perfectly upon a paper towel, was a warm, butter-slathered English Muffin.

Now, clearly there was no person there consuming the perfectly placed, butter-slathered English Muffin, so obviously it was up fro grabs. And I didn't want to eat it, I just wanted the butter.

So I walked over to it and then jumped up on the thingy where the Woman usually sticks her feet, and began to lick that warm, melted butter, getting my tongue into all the nooks and crannies to make sure I got it all.

Then I heard her.

"Just what do you think you're doing?"

First, I wanted to know where she came from. She was not in the room, so that means the muffin was not hers. Then all I wanted to know was, basically, what she wanted. A bite? Hell, she could have the whole thing when I was done with the butter part.

She sighed hard and then said, "Well, that was my fault for leaving it there."

Yes. It was.

She picked it up--I wanted to grab her hand and stop her but I know better--and then she held it out and said, "Go ahead, lick a little more."

So I did.

It was kinda sad when she threw it away, but by then I was done with it, so all is okay.

16

Man, I was just hanging out in the thingy with the fuzzy blankets by the fireplace, when all the sudden I jumped and smacked my head into the wall.

And you know what? The woman laughed.

I smacked my HEAD, and she laughed.

Then a little bit later the talking head on the TV said there was an earthquake in San Jose and that some people felt it all the way into the east bay. Well, we're a little further out from San Francisco than the east bay, but the she wondered if maybe that's what startled me. She didn't feel anything, but she's a lowly people.

It certainly can't have happened because I had a bad dream and jumped, and just happened to go head first into the wall.

It was the earthquake. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

24


People. PEOPLE. I swear, if you come at me with this stuff, your life will be filled with more than pillows pooped upon and treasured items treated to a toothy death. If you try to attack my plaque, I will EAT YOUR FACE OFF while you sleep.

I thought a little warning was only fair.

This time.

27


HAPPY NEW YEAR DOOOODS!