Okay, not only did the People let a strange man into the house today (they said he was inspecting stuff; they weren't thrilled but I guess the man who owns the house said they had to let the guy inspect... and now the owner is gonna be mad cause the inspector guy says he has to pay to fix the fence. Heh) but the Man tested all the fire alarms. One right after the other. It was beep-beep-beep for like FIVE minutes.
I went into the Younger Human's room and hid under his bed while the beeping was going on, but when the inspector guy was here I just curled up on his bed and snoozed.
Tonight, when I'm trying to sleep, I think I'm gonna hear beep beep beep in my head all night long...
You know, it's really kind of mean for a person to bring home a bag with about 50 cans of Stinky Goodness in it, and then stack the cans in the cupboard with the kitty watching, and then not open one for the kitty. Just sayin'...
You know, I am nothing if not considerate. Truly. Take this morning; after breakfast my tummy didn't feel very well, and while I was on top of one of the climbing towers I realized I needed to hurl. Now, I could have done it right there in the Woman's office, spewed forth all over the tower and the carpet, but no. In the midst of my agony I jumped down and went to the wood floor to barf, where it is much, much easier to clean.
For her part, the Woman expressed appreciation and said I was a good boy for making it to the wood floor. But did she reward my efforts? No! I should have gotten a few crunchy treats, for the effort and to refill my now empty tummy. All I got was pet on the head.
A pet on the head is all well and good, but it did nothing for my hunger, and she didn't give me anything to eat until dinner time!
Just for that, I might not sleep in the same room with her tonight. Let's see how she enjoys a Maxless night.
Ok...I decided to stop ignoring the Woman and start sitting on her every chance I get. Sometimes she likes it, but a lot of the time it just annoys her, especially if she's trying to concentrate on something. But I'm not trying to punish her exactly, 'cause after listening to her and the Man talk, I suppose they had a good reason for being gone. Plus, the Younger Human was here to take care of us, and he fed us pretty well.
Some of you know because you read the Woman's blog...but her Mom's (that would be the Grandma we haven't met) heart attacked her and they had to get inside a giant lipstick tube that hurtled through the air to go see for themselves that the Grandma's heart did not explode or anything. I guess they were very very worried for a while that other thingies inside the Grandma's body were going to make her heart want to go to sleep or something, but the guys in the white coats with pokey-stabby things did some kind of Mojo inducing medical magic, and she started looking better and feeling better. But she doesn't really want to eat, and the People want her to eat. I tried to tell them to send her the extra special Fancy Feast Stinky Goodness because EVERYONE who tries it loves it, but I don't think they heard me.
Yesterday I heard the Woman on the phone thingy talking to one of her 163 sisters and she said the Grandma is in rehab, smoking her crack pipe, and they're going to torture her! I know stabby places can be scary, but that sounds like the scariest.
Oh, wait...she only has three sisters, and the rehab is something called physical therapy, and the crack pipe is some kind of breathing treatment so her lungs feel better.
It's a good thing the Younger Human did such a good job of opening cans for me and Buddah, cause the People are going to ride another lipstick tube in a couple of months to go back. They make it sound like they want to see all those people again, but after really listening, I think they're going in order to swipe #2 sister's Way Cool TV set. She better hide it.
Holy cripes...not only were the Woman and the Man gone for a week, but they came back and they smell like DOG!!!
I am summarily ignoring them both, even though I am staying in the same room with the Woman. I have to make sure she's not cavorting with the woofies on any kind of regular basis.
And you know what? They didn't even bring us any presents.
Of all the rude...
The Woman just informed me that she and the Man are going somewhere and Buddah and I won't be able to get online the whole time they're gone! No, I don't want to go with them, but she could at least leave the computer on for me! I might miss something!!! They're going to be gone for a whole week!
We won't be in any danger of someone forgetting to feed us like what happened to Fat Eric, because the Younger Human is going to be here, but I don't think he'll have time to turn the computer on for me. He actually has a life.
Eh, maybe he'll let us have a Kitty Crack party...
Try not to miss us too much, and as soon as the Woman gets back she'll let me blog, or I'll poop on her pillow...
Ok. I'm being nice here for a minute, but only because I know who has the thumbs that open my Stinky Goodness most of the time. The Woman has a new blog venture and she wants to share it with the world, which might be a good thing since she's not actually writing the entries. It's called Dear So And So... and it's a place for people to send the letters they would like to write but can't really send to the people they mean them for (yeah, that's people logic for you.) She doesn't know how to promote very well, so basically I'm doing it. Go peek. We might learn thing sabout the humans in our lives. Oh, and if you let your people go there, tell them to scroll down to Dear Sean, it's the letter that really started it all, but they might need Kleenex while they read it.
I was going to write a letter for it but she said it's a serious blog, and obviously I'm not serious enough for her. When she said that I seriously leaned back, hiked a serious leg up, and seriously had myself a nice after dinner mint.
It is not a good thing when a person looks over the side of the bed at exactly the same moment that the kitty is jumping onto the bed.
The only good thing is knowing that because she has the bigger head, she probably has the bigger headache...
The Woman actually did give Buddah and I some Stinky Goodness the other night (morning) when she was disrupting our night by being up and in the living room at 3:30 in the freaking morning. Just before she went back to bed she opened a can and while we were eating she said she hoped it would hold us over past our usual breakfast time.
We let her sleep until 10. That was generous of us, don't you think?
I just hope she doesn't make a habit of that. I don't like it when People are wandering around the house when they're supposed to be asleep. I think if the Younger Human doesn't celebrate his birthday more frequently, everything should be back to normal.
Whatever normal is...
It is not nice for people who usually sleep all night long to go to bed then get up and turn lights on and make a lot of noise when they were only in bed for an hour. It keeps me awake, and now I'm hungry, but you can bet no one is going to take pity on me and give me some Stinky Goodness. No, the Woman is just going to sit there and watch TV and ignore me. She's not even making a lap for me! If you're going to be up at 3:30 in the freaking morning and not feeding the kitty, the least you can do is let him curl up in your lap!
In my effort to be a better cat, I have decided to do the following:
- Let Buddah have part of my breakfast, because he is a hungry little kitty.
- Stop punching the Woman in the eye to wake her up.
- Cease head-butting Buddah down the stairs.
- Resist the temptation to growl just because I'm ticked off.
- Wait until the Woman says it's time to eat, instead of bugging her for 2 hours ahead of time.