TURN THE HEAT UP!
Or I will poop on your pillow.
TURN THE HEAT UP!
Oh, like straddling Buddah from behind and sinking my teeth into his neck until he squeals like a stuck pig isn't fair payback...
OK, it's almost that time of year again.
What are we going to ask Santa to bring us?
And do I have to get Buddah something, or just let Santa take care of it?
Come on...what are you asking Santa for???
Ok, so the People redeemed themselves. They went out to eat, but they brought home some turkey for Buddah and me. And it wasn't a tiny bit, it was almost as much as a serving of Stinky Goodness. Better yet, Buddah only took a couple of bites and then let me have the rest of his--and the People didn't stop me. The Woman said, "If Buddah doesn't want it, it's yours." And Buddah walked away and went to the back door to look outside, and then he went to look under the dishwasher, so I got to eat his turkey, too.
We also get to have our Stinky Goodness later! Maybe I'll let him have a couple bites of mine, just to be nice.
The People have pie for themsevles for later. I don't think I like pie but I bet Buddah does. I need to be sure to tell him if he jumps on one of them and sticks his face in the plate real quick, he can get a bite before they know what's happening. If nothing else, it'll make for a good laugh.
7:30 p.m. We did not get dinner time Stinky Goodness until 7:30 p.m.
To make things worse, last night the Woman got the bright idea of trying to make me take the Big Awful Thing without grinding it up and mixing it with my food. She figured that since I feel good, I would not fight. And it worked last night; I was so surprised that she would pick me up and set me in her lap as if I was going to get petted, and then pry my mouth open and jab her finger down my throat that it worked.
But tonight...oh, I expected it tonight. I let her put me in her lap, and when she pried my mouth open, I knew what I had to do. She got that finger in my mouth and I chomped down. I choped so hard she couldn't move her finger, and then I used my tongue to push the Big Awful thing out the side of my mouth.
She said a whole bunch of bad words and tried again. Ha! I launched that pill across the floor.
Sadly, the third time is the charm. She really shoved her finger down my throat and I had no choice but to swallow.
And then we got Tuna Stinky Goodness--with gravy!
This better not become a habit. I want my Stinky Goodness ON TIME and I don't want her icky, God-knows-where-it's-been finger in my mouth. I'll take the Big Awful thing in my food, but not like that.
I know why she's doing it. She's planning on cutting back our Stinky Goodness until we never get it again, and I'll still have to take the Big Awful Thing.
Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow kitties. I hope you get lots of turkey. We won't, because the Woman is too lazy to cook one. They're going OUT to eat! They keep mumbling about her back and owie, and this and that, but I know the truth. They don't want me to have any turkey.
Stupid Denny's, for not allowing cats...
Ha! The Man and the Woman weren't here when the Younger Human home today, and apparently no one told him that dinner has been pushed back from Acceptable Time to Way Too Late--so he fed us! They got home like 15 mintes later, but by then we'd already scarfed down that wonderous Stinky Goodness and were curled up, digesting.
So PHHHFFFFFTTTT to the People.
I have horrible, horrible People.
In all this Oh-Buddah-Is-A-Big-Boy-And-Needs-Big-Boy-Food they neglected to mention one very important thing:
They decided to switch us from getting Stinky Goodness 3 times a day to 2. Why? Because the little monster couldn't eat an entire can of kitten food in 2 feedings, so we were getting it 3 times a day, but NOW he can eat a can of good Stinky Goodness in just 2 meals, so we're getting the shaft on our night time snack!
Oh, the Woman says I'm still getting the same amount of food, but I don't care! I want my snack! I was happy getting that snack! So what if I only used to get it twice a day before I got sick. I don't care!
I WANT MY SNACK!
Buddah hasn't been leaving food on his plate because he's sick or anything; he's been doing it because he doesn't really like it. He would much prefer to have REAL Stinky Goodness, not the stuff intended for kittens that passes for Stinky Goodness. I think it tastes just fine, but he got into a stubborn streak. He'd eat a little bit because it was there, but once he had a taste or two he'd walk away.
So the People caved. They fed him the good stuff tonight, and he ate so fast I'm surprised he didn't inhale the plate.
This doesn't negate the fact that I should have been allowed to finish what he didn't, but it'll be a non-issue now.
On one hand I'm a little miffed because I really liked his food, but on the other hand, I taught him well. He held out for what he wanted and got it. I'm impressed enough that I think I'll only shove him down a few stairs tonight instead of the whole staircase.
Then agan, the brain dead twit likes that, so his feelings might be hurt...
There's rules around here. And one of the rules is that if Buddah doesn't want his Stinky Goodness, I get to finish it. That's a rule and People can't change it.
But do they pay attention to the rules? No!
The last couple of nights Buddah has left a little bit on his plate, but before I can lick it up the People take the dish away and wash the food off! How rude.
Millions of cats are starving, and they're wasting food.
I could eat that!
Buddah thinks I'm some kind of hero. Eh, let him. I chased a cat away from the back door last night, but only because it was an incredibly rude cat. I mean, you don't go looking into another cat's house without an invitation. If it had been nice and at least said hello, I probably would have let it stay.
But no...It looked in, saw Buddah, and started spitting and growling.
I don't know who that cat's People are (and even though it didn't have a collar on it was really fat, so I'm sure it has People) but they need to teach it some manners.
I bet it poops in our yard, too.
It better watch out...some day Buddah's going to be bigger, and braver, and he'll bite a kitty right on the winky.
Man...I was t h i s close to getting fed twice this morning. The Woman actually dragged her sorry butt out of bed before the Man got home from passing gas and opened up the Stinky Goodness for Buddah and me. Then she went upstairs to get dressed and the Man came home--he actually had a can open and was ready to plop some of that meaty wonder onto a plate when the Younger Human opened his mouth and said that we'd already eaten.
Then later while the Younger Human and the Woman were having dinner (they didn't feed the Man, but I don't know why...he had to fix his own food later) I noticed there were wiggly things in the dry food. I sat there and stared at it, trying to decide if I should say something. I figured the chances of either of them giving a damn that I was in distress was only about 50-50, but I decided to try anyway. The Woman actually looked over and asked what was wrong, and when she saw me loking at the dish she asked if there was something in it.
Well, duh, that's why I was staring at it and complaining.
Ants. The food dish and the water fountain were loaded with ants. She said a bad word or two, told the Man about it, and he went off to get something to take care of them (after he called his dad. He had to call Daddy to find out what to do! Ha!) But cripes, because of those ants Buddah and I got locked up in a bedroom for a long time. Like it was our fault the ants got in the house in the first place.
So now our dry food and water is up on a counter in the kitchen. I hope it stays there, 'cause I like being on the counter. Buddah says it's cool, but he wishes the food would stay on one place for at least ten minutes, because he never knows where it's going to be.
Get used to it, kid. They can never make up their little minds.
Oh, she thought she was sneaky, putting my bed on the floor under the warm air blowing thingy. She thought I would decide it was more comfy than sleeping on top of her. She thought she could get rid of me at night.
Well, she was right. At least for last night. It was warm and comfy and a whole lot better than trying to snooze on top of all her lumps and bumps. And trust me, she's got lots of them.
She even put a bed there for Buddah, but he won't even try it. The little monster has no idea what he's missing...
Coolness...the way the People set up stuff, we can get up on top of the cabinets and jump to the top of the china cabinet. And the way they set up the Supreme Commander Kitty Tower, we can get to the top of another cabinet and then to the bookcases. This whole house is like a kitty jungle gym.
To show our appreciation, we've been sleeping on top of the Woman at night, keeping her warm. It does get kind of cold in here at night and we figure she needs the fur to stay nice and toasty. And it must be working because more than once she's said "Oh, thanks a lot."
I do what I can.
Okay, this place is freaking huge! Not only are there stairs to run up and down, but there are all these rooms, and they're all pretty big. Right now there are boxes all over the place and the People still have some things to bring over from the apartment--like my Supreme Commander Kitty Tower--but we have lots of running space and tons of things to explore.
I was less than thrilled with the actual day of moving. The Woman locked us in the bathroom--no surprise there--but the cool air blowing thingy didn't seem to work in there, so it got hot, and after a while it was pretty stinky. It was so stinky that when the Woman opened the door up to let us out a million hours later she covered her mouth and said "Holy crap, it stinks!"
Yeah, well, lady, trying staying in that stink all day.
Buddah was a little freaked out when we were let out of the bathroom. It was like "where's our stuff? The stuff is all gone!" and I would have made fun of him but I remember what that feels like. Last time we moved I thought we'd been robbed. He just didn't know that moving means the stuff goes first.
We slinked around the apartment for a little bit and the doofus got into his tomb all by himself, so the Woman shut it and decided it was a good time for me to get into mine. Once we were in the car I started in with "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" over and over and over, and Buddah chimed in so the Woman was getting it in stereo. And she kept saying, "Just a couple more minutes. We'll be there in a minute or two."
And then we were there. I don't think either of us knew what to look at first. There's so much space to investigate, and everything smells kind of funky, so every time we turn around there's something new. I'm not thrilled that there obviously used to be a dog in here, but he seems to be gone, so I'm not throwing a fit over it. And as excited as Buddah is, he's still a little scared.
But dang...he's not just excited, he'sexcited. Upstairs he can run around so fast I get dizzy just watching him, and downstairs he tries but he can't get the hang of making corners on the wood floor. His butt slides out from under him and he goes crashing into things. He wants to get into everything at once and I think his little head is going to pop trying to decide where to go and what to do and when. And I'm being nice to him; I'm letting him sleep with me when he needs to not be alone.
I didn't want to move, but now that we're here, this place looks to be quite adequate. Lots of space to run, stairs to throw things down, and lots of windows to look out of.
We may stay, the People now have the Official Permission.
The nightmare never ends...
The People have been busy all week moving stuff out of the apartment and tomorrow is the "big" day when all the furniture goes. At least this time I know what's going on and won't be so surprised when they let us out of the bathroom (you know we're going to spend the day locked up in there) and everything is gone.
I'll be glad when it's over...
Cripes. He wouldn't get out of my basket so I plopped down on top of him, thinking he'd get all squished and upset, but he liked it! I really do think one of the People dropped him on his head at some point...
In other news, boxes are being taken out of the apartment.
It has begun...